Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, February 26, 2009 Jen, Community Member, asks

Q: what is the average times a married couple has sex per week?

My husband wants to have sex at least 6 times a week. He thinks that I have a very low libedo and thinks I need therapy for only wanting to have sex 2 times a week. I have two kids 9 and 2. I own a business and spend a lot of time volunteering. On average I work 50 hours a week.

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Answers (31)
jd_acura, Community Member
2/26/09 12:45pm

If you are wanting sex 2 times a week with 2 kids and working full time your considered to have a high libedo.  Tell your hubby to grow up.....it's not all about him.

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SSDELL, Community Member
9/18/09 10:16am

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE WOMEN. ALOT OF ME WORK, AND HELP TAKE CARE OF A HOME TO. I THOUGHT MARRIAGE WAS ABOUT COMPROMIING. OBVIOUS YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS SOME ATTENTION. SOMETIMES YOU WOMEN SHOULD STOP BEING SO SELFISH, AND STOP THINKING JUST BECAUSE YOUR THE WOMEN, MEN HAVE TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. MEN HAVE FEELINGS TO.

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V, Community Member
1/22/10 12:30am

Wow Mr. Capitalization! It seems to me that you can not only spell...but you are a bit controlling. Often women feel that sex is a more physical part of the relationship and when men ask for sex so often...they feel that the relationship is more physical than emotional. If you want us to compromise you have to give us something to work with. And we're not talking about bringing home the bank.

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RH500, Community Member
1/10/12 1:25am
Dear Mrs Get off your high horse. Maybe if women would consider the man's feeling in this matter. The way we are supposed to consider there's things would be better. Men bring flowers, back rubs, watch rediculous tv shows all for the hopes of having sex. Grow up and understand its not all about you and what you think you should get before and after having sex. Reply
Omni City, Community Member
1/11/13 12:17am

Once a day or every other day.

 

Unless there is an illness (flu, injury) anything longer than 3-5 business days is too long.

 

Sex is more than just sex when your in a committed relationship. It's affection, passion, cardio, confidence builder for the day, stress reliever after a long day, and temptation kryptonite. Couples without very similar sex drives usually have problems. And you women who act like your high limbedo women before you get the commitment and all of a sudden start turning your man down when he wants to have sex after you get the commitment, stop complaining about being cheated on or not having a dick to call your own.

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cuddlebug84, Community Member
2/10/11 3:29am

If you make her feel like pleasuring you is her responsibility (like a job), she will treat it like a job ( how do you feel about your job or certain unfavorable aspects of your job)...Show her a little bit of respect, romance, and concideration. For ex, try running her a bubble bath and rubbing her back in the tub and when she gets out doing a full body; try making her a candle lit dinner for two, or God forbid you bring her some roses and plan for an entire weekend of catering to her so that she feels like you are just as much into pleasing her. Im sure you could handle it and if not, grow a pair and be a man because thats what a real man does. He does not spend more time with his guy friends than his gf or wife, he does not demand her unquestioning "duty" towards him, and he certainly does not make her feel like she has only one purpose in life and that is to "serve the likes of him". You do that and maybe she wont feel like she is your personal sex slave. Dont just demand that she take care of you, feed you, have sex with you and then smile cheerfully when youre heading out the door on a friday or saturday night to go be with a bunch of dudes drinking till the early hrs of the day.We are not put on this earth to feed you, screw you, and then otherwise not bother you. Its basic relationship stuff and also common decency; use your head a little; the one NORTH of your neck

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Chipper, Community Member
7/19/12 1:12am
Wow you sound single. Or you have been treated badly by a man. Or maybe your man is a twit. Reply
clarie, Community Member
4/ 5/13 7:02pm

What if you've been in a relationship for two years like me and my boyfriend only has sex with me once a week or maybe once every two weeks. We both work fulltime and still live with our respective parents.I'm a woman I wish we would have sex three a week. He has his car hobbies aand stuff.  But really once a week is sad. Is it me? Help me I would to see it from a man perspective. Btw idk if this will help in your response to me but I'm 25 and he's 28 and we're not married or have kids. Your answer is well appreciated

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noone, Community Member
10/18/09 5:33am

i wish i could have sex 2 times a week. we avg less then once a week. Always an excuse. No matter what I do its im tired, I dont feel good. I respect my wife and try not to get angry. but its like a game to her.

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Manal, Community Member
11/25/12 10:30pm
I am the wife here and i wish i could have sex twoce a week , there is ALWYAS an excuse .. Amd because he is the man it is harder if he doesnt want, some times i wear sexy langery and he resists !! It is disappointing for me , his sex drive is so weak !! I dont know what to do to increase it ? Maybe we should see a doctor ?? Reply
Bo, Community Member
12/17/12 12:26pm

You know its funny how things work.  It seems like there is just a bunch of mismatch married couples on here.  But im considering a divorce maybe we would meet one day... Twice a week would be a god send right about now... lol.  Glad to hear a woman having the same problem.

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Crstlight, Community Member
4/ 3/13 9:52am
You know what, I have the same concern. Although I don't feel like he's turning me down but I wish he can want it as much and often as I do. It's weird but I feel like the man in this matter. I just want more intimacy throughout the week. Sometimes even just sex would be nice. What can we do though? Anybody with suggestions? Reply
clarie, Community Member
4/ 5/13 7:08pm

I know exactly how you feel my bf always is busy and its not like he turns me down but I wish he would want it more its so frustrating not feeling wanted

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Dan, Community Member
11/16/13 8:26am
I am a man and married 18 years with 3 kids. We once went a year with my wife saying she had a headache etc. We now have sex abt 1 per month and we never make love - just the same ol sex..if she feels like it. She has to make me feel like a sex addict first though for a few weeks, asking tonight?? And then getting the cold shoulder for a another week until she thinks she has to oblige.... Very frustrating and it feels like u are definitely not loved. help! Reply
isaac, Community Member
2/27/09 4:12am

My husband wants to have sex at least 6 times a week. He thinks that I have a very low libedo and thinks I need therapy for only wanting to have sex 2 times a week. I have two kids 9 and 2. I own a business and spend a lot of time volunteering. On average I work 50 hours a week.

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melanie, Community Member
6/27/13 3:02am

your damn lucky 6 x a week would be heaven for me my husband insists on it every morning before work and every night before sleep and occasionally  wakes me during the night for it.

 

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OKM, Community Member
3/ 7/09 7:49pm

I find it odd that the male's desires for more frequent sex are often considered childish.  If the wife wanted sex more frequently than the husband, would she be admonished to "grow up"?  (This is not an uncommon situation, and yes, frequently the man is viewed as being in some way in the wrong when it occurs.)

 

While 6 (how do you arrive at that number?) may be a bit much, many couples are able to juggle time constraints with sex throughout the week.  Sex doesn't have to take a lot of time, and for most people it's enjoyable.  Being tired is one thing, but perhaps underlying your husband's unhappiness with the situation is a feeling that you are putting work - and particularly volunteering, something you don't have to do but have chosen to do instead of spend more time with him - before your relationship with him, and that he is something of an afterthought.  If he feels this is reflected in the times you do have sex, it will only reinforce this.  His focus on sex may be a surrogate issue for that.

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otrman, Community Member
3/12/09 10:42am

Sounds to me like OKM has a very good point. Why does the guy always get the blame? Some of you women like to get on these chat places and throw all the blame at your man. Then all of the other women on here who are blaming their guy for something chime in and you all reassure yourselves that you are perfect. 50 hours a week plus volunteering and kids. Sounds to me like your husband is screaming for some of your attention. Maybe you should check into what he needs for a change. All most of you women can do is scream about what you need all the time, never mind what the man needs.

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Loud Whispers, Community Member
4/ 9/09 8:08pm

I'm hearing all sorts of excuses to put your husband last (volunteering keeps you from having sex -- are you joking?). Have you ever considered putting your husband first? I know, what a horrible, horrible thing to suggest. I write this because the sexual desires of a man are very real biological urges and you ignore them at your peril. Would you prefer to address those urges in a loving way or would you prefer that your husband find an independent sexual outlet? I'm being serious; he is relieving his sexual tension with or without your participation (time in the shower, porn, a massage parlor, someone at work, etc.). As adults you can certainly figure out ways to work around obstacles (kids in high school figure out ways all the time) and have sex, however briefly (it doesn't have to take long, y'know). Besides, you may even find that an occasional orgasm brightens your mood.Wink

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Shup, Community Member
11/ 3/09 12:00pm

I totally agree with loud whispers here.  You said you do a lot of volunteering, but should that really be a priority above your family... any member of your family.  I truly believe your family should take place above your activities and above your career.  Family is family.  It just sounds like things have been thrown out of balance.  Your husband should be a priority, just as important as the kids, but you need to have a discussion with him.  He needs to make you a priority too.  Maybe he does already and he spends time with you and the kids, but it just sounds like you guys need to talk about this.  Don't get so  distracted and overloaded with other things in life that the people you love take a backseat.  It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you. 

When you talk to men and women who have left marriages and had affairs, they will tell you, the affair doesn't start out with the intent of being an affair.... it was something that grew usually from a small friendship to more because they weren't satisfied at home.  They wanted more than what their spouse was giving them. 

 

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Just a girl., Community Member
11/ 9/09 4:16pm

I really don't understand how in the world ! someone married with the person they choose to spend their life. because it was a choice im sure whatever happened they said i do. how come this people men and women don't want to have sex with their spouse. i dont understand it at all. is like wanting to have babies and then u dont want to prepare the bottle for them to eat. or wanting to go to a Six flags and be all excited about it and make savingss for ur trip, and invite all your friends and family and have great things to eat anf finally get there where u wanted to go and not ride the rollercoasters. i am now a single woman.But when i was married for 11 months well 2 years with all the paperwork, but together eleven months during that time making love with my husband was the most amazing thing for me not because he was very good at it, but because was my husband and me making love it felt so amazing and different so special in my heart and soul.Compared to the ocassional casual sex I experienced in previous relationships before in my single younger years. Yet for my husband was probably not the same because he HE ,not me was the one giving excuses of all kinds which were so hurtful and damaged my self-esteem a lot during that short marriage. he would say things like, im tired, i have a headache, i am cold! What!!? Excatly. Or say that even if we were married sex would interfere in our spiritual life, and dont get me wrong i wasn't asking to be on it like everyday just you know at least 4 times a week minimum or anything at the end. Then I surprisingly found out that he would masturbate and release his sexual desires frequently when i was asleep, or so he thought in our own shared bed, or livingroom, but not with me. I am a beautiful woman, clean, intelligent, kind, sexy etc so is not that i wasn't attractive he was just being abusive emotionally withholding love, and tenderness and physical contact with me in order to do what ? I dont know but didnt wait to much to find out and we divorced like I said about 18 months later. So please if you really love your spouse get the love going and show it every time you have a chance. i never cheated on him but after our divorce i met someone Young and beautiful and we had sex every day several times a day and it just healed me to no end and he was loving and tender in many other ways not only sexually pleasing. So think about it! A loving lady .

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Diane, Community Member
8/15/12 5:07pm

To Loud Whispers, you say she may find tha tan occasional orgasm might brighten her mood, but is he capable of giving her an orgasm? Did you know that a minimum of 80% of women fake orgasms? I blame women for faking them, but men also need to educate themselves. We still have a large percentage of men who think there is something inside of a woman's vagina that will give her an orgasm, and they are oblvious to the clitoris and its role in a woman's orgasm. I also think men need to listen to women as much as women need to listen to men. If a woman says she is tired, and she really is, what is the man saying: he wants sex anyway and never mind she is tired? In many cases, women do far more work than men, and even after men get home from work, women are still coooking, serving, washing dishes etc. while man is sitting with the remote control. Unfortunately, many men don't understand how much work is involved in running a family. Most men are off work two days a week, and yet the woman is still responsible for cooking, cleaning, washing dishes etc, seven days a week.  As many women have mentioned, a man needs to do more and try to set the mood moore. Run her a bath, give her a massage, light candles, play music, etc.  Why, because he's the one that wants her to continue performing, after she's had a 10-14 hour day. She would be happy going to sleep, but he wants more from her than all the work she has done.

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notoblame, Community Member
11/14/12 8:29am

excuse you! im a male and i am married with 3 kids! i work 2 jobs! i still cook clean do yard work house work take care of kids and still have the want and desire for sex! yea i am tired and yes i would lovw to sleep but dam i think making love to my wife is way better and more important! why should the guy be doing all those thinge for her like a back rub a bath or flowers when for one my wife hates flowers and baths! she never wants a rub down and she thinks sex twice a week is alot! and too much! the smells from candles annoy her allergies and im the one that does the performing after all i do during the day! soo before you go judging and saying what guys should do make sure you know the other side and maybe the women hes with doesnt want all that! hate to tell you too there is a spot inside the vagina that gives orgasms! maybe you need to do a little research on your own anatomy! ive done it and ive also been told by women gthemselves about that spot! if a woman has to fake anm orgasm shes fake herself! its her own fault for faking because if she didnt make the guy think he got er done then he wouldnt stop doing what hes doing to try and make her feel good! duh! idk who lied to you but i myself know whats involved in working 2 jobs all day from 5am till 11 pm then also taking care of kids and a house and also go to school online soo check yourself before you go off bashing the men in this world some men do way more than alot of women! what women or men do for work or a home is no excuse for not wanting sex! its a copout! if youre sexually attracted to the opposite sex being tired is no reason to not be intimate with the one youre in love with! try again!

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Bo, Community Member
12/17/12 12:51pm

Well played... I work 12+ hours depending on what idiot i arrest.  Then come home cook and sometimes laundry.  My days off are spent watching our son, cleaning and yard work.  I can be dead tired... as a matter of fact I worked a double and she was off... supprise supprise she wanted sex and i still performed untill she got hers.  And I did this b/c i like sex and I love and want her to be happy.  But this once or twice a month bs is over.  And when i mean over Im asking for a divorce.  So for the wifes and husbands... you need to think about your partner.  If you always put them first your marrige wont fail like my is about to.

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Jani, Community Member
4/18/13 12:29am

In my relationship the shoe is on the other foot.  We are both in our 30's and hes content with a few times a month whereas I would be happier with at LEAST 3 to 4 times a week.  Good luck to you, I'm making mine go to a Dr.  His "too tired" excuse is frustrating when he has the energy to sit and play Pacman on his phone for a half hr following the excuse.  Before anyone else chimes in with the work and kid excuse, I have 2 children and work fulltime.  I also do ALL of the laundry, 95% of the housework and 100% of the cooking.

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almost40, Community Member
8/26/09 10:19am

My husband and I have been together eight years, we both run our own small businesses and have two kids. We go through phases where it's a little less sometimes, but I'd say most weeks we average 4-5 times a week and it's pretty balanced as to which one of us initiates it at any given time. Once in a great while we somehow even manage to have it twice in one day (woohoo!)

 

I know time and kids are a popular reason when it comes to turning down sex, but I'm wondering if these are the things we expect culturally and therefore knee-jerk the response without really even examining what the core problem is (the sex isn't satisfying, body image issues, unusual exhaustion for long periods, illness, disconnection of intimacy, etc).

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JustMyLuck, Community Member
9/ 4/09 4:54pm

Woman-to-woman I hear what you're saying.  However, as others have pointed out...you really need to look at your priorities.  My husband very clearly told me one day that the fact I felt the dishes were more important than his needs made him really question our relationship.  Wow!  Caught me out of left field really...I hadn't realized that is what I was doing.  The truth is that my husband is my best friend and he should be put at the top of the proverbial "list".

 

I had to take a good hard look at why my desire for sex was so less frequent than his.  I came up with a few reasons.  Call them excuses if you want but it's what I came up with nonetheless...

 

1) I am on a few medications including birth control and anti-depressants that can decrease libido.  I know this is a major contributor because when I'm off the anti-depressants I'm practically a nymphomaniac.  But I have repeatedly failed to do well (in nearly every other area) off the meds. So...I take the meds and just deal with the decreased libido.  It seems that as long as I'm conscious about it I'm able to overcome it.

 

2) I have always had problems with getting to sleep.  After sex I am always wide awake (of course he promptly falls asleep) - that was making my sleep problems worse because I associated sex with a sleepless night and it really turned me off.  To deal with this one we typically don't have sex at bedtime.  We have a 7 yr old and when she takes her evening shower we've got a good 30 minutes to enjoy each other.  We take full advantage of that time and then it's a win-win...sex and sleep are both possible in the same 24 hour period!

 

Been together for 18 years and married for the last 12 of those.  We typically have sex 4-5 times a week.  He would like it daily but is satisfied with our current frequency because he understands that sometimes I'm just not in "that place" and he respects that.

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dudeguy, Community Member
12/15/10 1:08am

me and my gf been together for 2 years...we been having sex about 2-3 times day or every other day...we r both in college and when she goes home over summer, i see her about a few weeks in the summer. but our relationship is still strong. however this year after summer, she comes back..unwanting to have sex as often( once a week usally) and i feel like im put down lower on her prioirty list. she got a dog, which i love, but allows me to feel more ignored and pushed to the side. and for 3 weeks she wanted to seperate to be able to hang with our friends...things r back to normal now but the sex is still low in count..(once a week?)... i try to repect her knowing that we have busy scehdules and getting tired or not "in the mood" happens...but i feel like something is up and i am wondering why i cant "romance her" anymore... i blame myself though becuase i feel like it maybe me having a high sex drive or just the fact im in class all day...

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Jeff, Community Member
12/20/10 10:28am

I am not sure why I continue to read these posts when all it does is make me feel worse. I am of course the "typical" man who wants sex more than once a week. But I am also looking for the emotional side of things like cuddling and kissing but just end up denied. I have tried several times to talk to her and say when it's more important to read the paper in the morning then spend time with me there is a problem. Every other part of our life together is perfect. We do not have any children together but my 17 year old daughter stays here every other weekend. I used to be guaranteed sex while on vacation but even that is gone. I just had a 40th surprise birthday party for her with 30 of her friends and not that it was the reason for the party  but I at least thought it would put her in the mood, denied. It really hurts me to know that even after that nothing really warrants a nice night of love making. Sometimes she knows I am upset and then I get guilty sex which is usually worse than no sex. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I really feel like the woman in the relationship other then the sexual desire. I hate sports, I want to cuddle, kiss and spend time together. She has no sexual desire, lives for sports, wishes we had a bigger bed and has to have the dog sleep between us. I really like when 1 second after we are done she is petting the dog or watching TV like it was some kind of chore and it's finally over. I have read a thousand articles and I have done the cleaning, date night, massages well everything I can think of. I love her and our relationship but I just need more romance, emotion and sexual contact. Who knows how this will turn out but once or twice a year the opportunity comes up with other women and I have always rejected that but it is getting harder and harder to do that. At times this really depresses me more than I can control. I just want to be as important as football, baseball, the morning paper and the dog.

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Gkgfh, Community Member
4/ 3/11 11:54pm
Ditch the bitch. That sounds crude But there are so many women who would crave to be with you. You sound like an amazing man who deserves far more. Who knows why your partner does what she does -you may never get an answer, maybe she doesn't know or it's intrinsic to her personality. Well there are plenty of far better women out there for you Reply
no answer exist, Community Member
12/17/11 8:35am

I thought I typed that myself. It will never get better. It led to an affair for me and now she wants to have sex every other day and in my head its guilty sex just trying to hold things together. Now I live with my affair and still no sex and the punishment of the smartass one liners I hear weekly.I don't think there is a right answer. I been married 23 years. I Did everything you did. My last resort is to lay in bed and pray she will leave me. Good luck, I will let you know if she walks out the door. I just can't walk away, and just can't understand her.

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Diane, Community Member
8/15/12 5:12pm

Why not just leave? Who are you punishing? Why are so many people afraid

to move on when they outgrow or become incompatible with partners after years

of trying? You can't have it both ways. You say you just can't walk away, well then

shut up. Stop being a mouse. Either #(*@+ or get off the pot. Enough already. Most people shouldn't be married to begin with. When my husband does something that's big enough for me to complain about, I demand a meeting and I demand results.  I give him the same respect, if he brings a legitimate complaint to me. We are partners on the same team, and if he fails to show teamwork that means to me, he wants to quit the team. As much as I love him, I love myself more, and I would have to accept that. Yes, it would hurt, but I am grown up enough to know that's life and we both have the right to be happy with or without each other.  I'm 50 if you're wondering.

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cns, Community Member
5/30/12 9:21am

Omg Jeff! I have the same situation with my boyfriend! Its been weeks since we have had sex ....we are 27 and 30yrs old and I am luckey if we have sexy once a month or every 2 months.... He's on depression meds but c'mon! When we do have sex he does the sane thing with our dog... This lack of sex and physical attention is killing me. Im depressed and I feel unattractive.... Its destroying our relationship and really making me second guess if I can live like this. IV never wanted to cheat ever especially on him but lately IV been thinking about it. He says he can't stand my stress and my bitching but I honestly think it's because I never get touched by the man I love...im actually reading that book 50 shades of grey and I find my self throwing myself into theses books because im craving romance myself and I don't have it. I live him but because of this and to be honest because of his drug problem and selfishness I need to move on

 when he's good he's amazing and I fall imlove all over again but the bad times outway the good and im realizing that more then ever. Ahh it felt good to vent!

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Diane, Community Member
8/15/12 5:14pm

CNS, ever thought about leaving? He won't change and won't get any better. I have a relative in the same situation with someone on meds and the bad outweighs the good. You're too young to be in such a negative situation. You need to gather your self esteem and leave. Why are so many people hell bent on staying in negative situations?

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John, Community Member
1/ 7/11 3:56pm

In all seriousness I would like to learn from the female point of view on what is a number they find that makes them sexually content over a months time period. Let's not over inflate the numbers instead be honest on the number. I am trying to gauge what is the average amount a woman feels the need for intimacy to be shared between a couple married for 14 years with two children. The husband works about 50 hours a week and the wife stays home and the children are both over the age of ten. If you fall somewhere in this category please posts your average. Because I read these posts of three times a week and I find that hard to believe that women would find that as a content number for them. Again I am asking what number is good for you not what you might do above and beyond to compromise with your husband.

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Jen, Community Member
1/12/11 4:09pm

I asked that question almost two years ago. I have since been seperated. I really do appreciate all of the answers I recieved, even the hard to accept answers that men have written about thier needs. They are right, sex should be valued and a man should not be made to feel guilty about his desires. I was in a very sad, very unbalanced place in my life at that time. I think when a relationship has so many deeper rooted issues, sex is one of the first things to go for the woman. (I know it was for me!) I have a healthy desire for sex and connection to a loved one, however that desire and connection were no longer there. Thank You for the perspectives from men and women who are in healthy relationships. When I find that special person that I am in love with, work, kids and volunteering will all take a back seat..my relationship will be first. I look forward to that someday!

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Cezanne, Community Member
5/18/11 8:48am

Been there.  He is flat out WRONG.  Sex is not a marital right and should always be asked for and given freely - not out of duty.  My ex-husband wanted sex 3 times a week, and I wanted it 1x/week (lifestyle very similar to yours).  Our "compromise" was 3 times a week and I divorced him a couple of years later as I was tired of the whole deal.  Every couple has different frequency and none are right or wrong as long as both are on the same page.  I do believe that the national average is somewhere around 1-2 times a week though?

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Israel, Community Member
8/24/11 1:06am

I have been looking through all the answers on this forum and I have discovered that I am no where near any of the other estimates. I have been with my wife for 9 years and my wife and I have only had sex 2 times this year and it is the end of August. I would just like to be able to enjoy an intimate moment with her at least once a month but that seems to be way too much for her to get used to. I feel unloved and alone, but what can I do I love her with all my heart and could never hurt her by cheating or leaving her. Things aren't getting better even though I have been doing whatever she says to make it more comfortable for her to loosen up and just do it. I do my best not to raise the issue because it seems to be the cause of an argument every time. What am I supposed to do? I see everyone else's responses of 1-7 times a week and I just loose it because I can't even give a weekly because it would be 0 on average, so I have to go by a yearly average, and that average for the past 3-4 years has been roughly 3-5 times a year. So all of you out there complaining about once a week can just suck it up because I would be thrilled with haveing sex that often.

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MVS, Community Member
5/25/12 11:55am

I found this forum because i was interested about average time married couple should have or have sex (or maybe because I feel guilty about my actions toward my husband). We jsut got married three month ago and I already dont feel like having sex! What is wrong with me? He is the most loving, compassionate, romantic, cuddling man I have ever experienced and I married him because I looked for a person who would be that!

Now, everytime he wants to have sex (which is everyday) I find this rediculous excuses or just simply get mad for no reason just to avoid him showing his desire! I feel like total sh*t everytime I am doing that, and the next day I try to be nicer and treat him better, but then something happens and I am back to my bitchy self that I hate so much!

I feel like its little to early for counceling lol 3 month is not even 3 years and I just want to figure out the reasons Im doing this and why is it so hard for me jsut to give a little more of me to my husband? Please help 

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Bo, Community Member
12/17/12 1:02pm

MVS... I think you already know the answer to this.  And nike said it best, "Just do it."  or there is the other option that im going with... DIVORCE.

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MVS, Community Member
5/25/12 12:01pm

And Israel! I am so sorry for your situation! I dont have an answer for you, but your post made me stop and think about my actions and I hope, very much, I will not turn out like you wife! We women want men so bad we complain how hard it is to be without one and how much we need their companion, and then when we get one (and a good one too) we neglect, mistreat, and abuse emotionally! And after all that, we blame that sob cheated on us! LOL seriously, what is wrong with us? Why do we think that it is so bad to please your man? Sorry got carried away :)

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DEW, Community Member
5/25/13 11:56am
I'm with you on this- my husband and I haven't been married for a yet our sex life is crap- once every couple I months if I'm lucky. I love him completely and couldn't think about being without him but it doesn't make me feel any good about myself. I'm not entirely sure about the reasons behind this and he knows how I feel but the more I raise it the worse it becomes so haven't mentioned it since we've been married. It's always been an issue so guess its my own fault really. I try to imitate it but due to the amount of times he's turned me down in the past I suppose I've given up now. It's not just the men who would like more sex! I wouldn't say I was ugly (although I do sometimes wonder) and even when I was 8st9 he still didn't seem to find me much of a turn on - not really sure what you can do in this position. Reply
SameBoat, Community Member
7/18/13 1:23am

I feel you man, me and my wife have been married 3 years we just had our second kid, but it seems like after we got married it went from everyday for 2 months straight to maybe 6-12 times a year(if im lucky), I have been reading tons of theses posts and forums. Some people say divorce. But if your anything like me you love the crap out of her and you dont want to cheat NOT because its wrong, but because you dont want anybody else, you want her. I dont know what to do or tell you and I honestly dont think i could make it another 6 years with this type of relationship, but it does make me feel better knowing that theres someone else out there getting boned rather than boning. I honestly dont know if half these women/men on these forums are lieing about this crap.... 1 to 3 times a week isnt enough... its to much.... man once to twice a month would be a god send. My wife tried anti depressents, didnt work. tried vacations, didnt work, tried handcuffs with lube and a vibrating tounge ring *i pierced my freaking tounge* didnt work. Everytime I bring it up she crys... same shit I KNOW I KNOW IM A BAD WIFE or... I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. But at the end of the day I love her to death. I am not a religious man what so ever I dont believe in fate or destiny or grand design. But I honestly think I would cut my own balls off if I didnt go to sleep at night thinking there has to be a reason for it, wether im being punished by the universe or I would die from exhaustion if i got it whenever i want it. All I can really say is keep your head up man and remember if it gets too bad and you still cant leave theres always world of warcraft :)   ..... Keep Calm Chive On

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mrj, Community Member
10/ 1/11 11:22pm

My wife works from home and at times she is busy beyond belief and I understand this. I too am very busy with work and training in the gym and all this before even mentioning our 1 year old child. 2 Times a week is very little to someone that says they would like 6 times a week. I do not think a number should be put on how many times a couple should be intimate, but I do think you should pay attention to the fact that your husband may feel a lack of affection and love from you and maby thats why he is putting the number of 6 over your 2.

 

If you think 6 may be 2 much throw some other things in the mix like a nite of just oral and or maybe a night in which you 2 enjoy just manual pleasure and or maybe a movie.

 

I think its not just the sex that he wants it may be intamacy, affection and physical contact with the person that he is attracted to and loves...

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Herbs123, Community Member
2/22/12 9:15am

My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something. 

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Herbs123, Community Member
2/22/12 9:16am

My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something. 

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Herbs123, Community Member
2/22/12 9:16am

My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something. 

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George, Community Member
3/15/12 10:02am

HE should be EXTREMELY HAPPY with twice a week ... I dont know your age , But  I can relate ..... I have a 9 year old son & a 5 year old daughter ...... I could only WISH  my wife would be willing to have sex TWICE A WEEK ..... but unfortunately for me ( & for US ) ... she has almost NO interest whatsoever anymore ....... Im lookin @ 10 times a year  ! .... IF I'm lucky ..... & sex is not EVERYTHING ... LOVE  IS !!! .... But it honestly IS slowly Ruining our Marrige !

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scorp, Community Member
5/28/12 10:33pm

I want to add my 2 cents. I would love to have sex with the person I love 2 times a week. Before I was married to my now wife, she used to tell me she had not had sex with her husband in 7 years. (I thought she was lying) well it has now been 4 years since I have had sex with her. It has affected me both physically and mentally. She can not understand why I have had several affairs, and she has had 3 failed marriges. "SHE JUST DON'T GET IT"

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bribrius, Community Member
6/29/12 3:29pm

i found this looking for the normal amount to have sex. i thought with three kids my wife would slow down but she hasnt, but only wanted more sex. i love sex, dont get me wrong, but im happy with three or four times a week. i work, have other things going. im very tired.

Despite the children my wife likes sex daily, more than once a day at times. she wakes me up for it knowing i have to go to work in the morning. She wants to have quickies during the day while the children are playing upstairs or even just in the other room. It is like she is dying for attention, ALWAYS. Right when i see her she climbs in my lap like she is one of the kids, or on my lap if you know what i mean in another way. Dont get me wrong, i love it that she is affectionate, but she is almost glued to me. i get a couple phone calls while im at work, text messages, and when i get home she is waiting by the door. Soon as we have five minutes alone she wants sex. please dont take this the wrong way im not totally upset over it. Ten years i have become somewhat used to it, but not totally used to it. There are times i just dont want cuddles, kisses, to lay with her or sex. But she always wants it.

im not sure what to do. She is a good mother, good wife in most ways. i just need some space. After the kids, work, and just life stresses i dont have this much left in me to give her in the way of sex or the attention she seems to require. She stays home with the children all day, and says she needs adult time because she is with kids all day. i understand that but the constant touching, loviness isnt always great. sometimes, i just need a break and to be left alone. i feel it zaps the energy i have left at the end of the day and i dont have enough to give the kids the time and energy they deserve.

She has also put flowers, balloons, etc in my cars, romantic type things. But now that im older i hate to say it, but ive kind of had enough. A simple i love you once a day and maybe some cuddle a couple times a week, sex a few times a week is enough for me. But my wife seems to want CONSTANT attention.

It is almost like she has no identity anymore except what she seems to find through me. i dont know what to do. i dont want to be mean about it. i ask her to sometimes just give me a little time to myself, but then she kind of sulks. We have been married and together for quite a few years now. i met her when we were younger and she was only eighteen and i was twenty three. i kind of thought she would have grown out of it but she never did and now its getting tiring. Especially since we have children, other responsibilitys now it isnt like when we were young and all we had to do was spend time together. we have other things going on now. But she is a good mother, very attentive. Almost, dare i say it, too attentive in all aspects.  i love her, i dont want to sound mean, but i really need some time, and more space. i have no energy left physically or emotionally i feel like she is draining me.

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E_Reader, Community Member
10/ 1/12 6:55pm

Holy Smokes!  Of course everyone can have too much sex as everyone has their limits.  However, I think you should focus on the fact that you are lucky.   There may be abnormal things in your relationship but you wife is probably consciously performing the way she thinks you want her to perform.  She wants to be with you and have sex all the time so she thinks you want the same.   It could be a security thing.   Let her know she is at the top of your list and secure in that position.  Make sure you get rest ... let her know you are spread thin but want to please her in the best way possible.   It is tough to do that if you are drained of all bodily fluids and exhausted!  Next I would pick up some activity (gym time, other hobby) that gave you that space you needed.  However, expect to hit it hard when you get back together.   Make sure you are refreshed.   There are people on all ends of the spectrum and most would rather be on yours than the other end.   Focus on the positives and communicate with her.  If she loves you like it seems she'll be flexible.

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Booster, Community Member
10/ 6/12 1:15pm
I have read a lot and agree with a lot of comments, understand some view points though I may not agree with but your position is the most enviable for a guy. That's some real lucky guy ..... Hope you are able to manage your situation well.... Reply
SameBoat, Community Member
7/18/13 1:35am

wow.......... honstly i hate you

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Sandra, Community Member
9/30/12 12:28am

Women that have this attitude need to wise up.  They need to put more time and care into their marriage and their sex lives as they do their job and children.  If a woman puts her job and other things before her husband, he may decide to put another woman before her.  This isn't a man's opinion.  I AM A FEMALE.

 

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Bo, Community Member
12/17/12 12:16pm

Im 32 and she is 31. We have been married for only 4 years and  we have 1 child.  Im a cop that works 12hr days and she is a manager in retail.  Im luck if we have sex twice a month.  I would be very happy if my wife WANTED to have sex twice a week.  For me its about quality not quantity.  Were not in college anymore so I much prefer good sex over just sex.  But because of our lack of sexual contact I have been looking into a divorce.  I spoke with her on several occasions to see if there is anything that I can do better to increase our sex life but she really doesnt like to talk about it.  So I'm done trying.  It seems like you do more than my wife and I do combined.  I dont think bringing in a therapist will help but you both need to communicat about what both of you want.  If there is something that you cant do just explain why.  But realisticlly sex really only last 30-40 min from start to finish.  So encourage him that you will try to give him more one on one time within reason (this is when you tell him what you want in return ie. chores, messages, fillatio).

But hey what do I know I'm quitting and trying to get a divorce.  I hope this helps out your relationship.

Sincerly,

Advise from a Failure

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Julz, Community Member
2/26/13 4:57pm

Married 18 years.   Two kids.   Twins.   Age 15.   Both of us work full-time.   The kids are active in church and school and keep us busy running to practices, recitals, sporting events, etc.    I'm the wife.   I'm 50.  He's 48.    I think once a day is the best frequency, if you can manage it with a busy schedule.   The intimacy is important to the marriage.   Let's be honest.   Life, today, is all about stress, overwork, not enough rest, and more stress.  However, your partner is not the enemy.   He or she is in the fox-hole with you every day, fighting the battle to get by.   Both spouses need to be considerate, loving and understanding.   The closeness that comes out of intimacy is vital to a healthy relationship.  I don't believe it is the husband's job, moreso than the wife's, to contribute to the romance level in the marriage.   Each spouse should always do everything in his or her power to make sure the other spouse feels loved, important, cherished and satisfied in the marriage.   Remember, you married this person.   You obviously once loved them.   Take a moment to remember why.

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Julz, Community Member
2/26/13 5:31pm

After re-reading my comment, it occurred to me that I forgot one of the most key ingredients to a happy relationship:  COMMUNICATION!    If you in a relationship and the frequency of intimacy is not something you both agree on, discuss it, CALMLY, and without accusatory tones.   Then, try to compromise.   There is no such thing as a "PERFECT" relationship, but if yours is worth saving, I highly recommend putting in the effort to do so.

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Marie, Community Member
3/10/13 9:28pm

Some people are just mismatched. Some people's ego is tied up in sex as a tool while others find it a spiritually bonding experience. I've been married 26 years, once or twice a week was it for the first 20 years. I was frustrated but took his excuse of being tired and felt that I could fill the desire with other things to give my life meaning. He has since allowed himself to go to pot, he weighs 400 lbs, has high blood pressure and ED. He got into voyeurism and playing with crack whores which ended with me getting vaginal warts resulting in cancer and ending with a hysterectomy. I have little libido left. He now complains that I'm not satisfying his needs. I don't say "try losing weight and working on the ED", I just let him rant. He wants to rely on toys making sex a 3 ring circus. I really want to say that every situation is different, all of the acrimony on this page shows lot of selfishness in general. I am more than sex, I am a vibrant intelligent woman with many friends who support me emotionally and I will stick with my family.

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Z Raymond, Community Member
4/21/13 1:01pm

Here's the truth, there is no number. He needs to stop finding excuses for you to have sex with him and you need to stop finding reasons not to. You both went into marriage for the simple reason of love, if the sex drive of the both of you differs, you knew that going in. If you truly love him and he you, compramise. That's a huge word in marriage. I personally work 50/70 hours a week and am exhausted coming home from work. What do I do, wash the dishes, help my love to cook, etc. Is not about being tired all the time, it's about wanting to put a smile on that beautiful person you fell in love with. Take turns :)

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magnusfl, Community Member
5/ 1/13 1:09am

I am 50 and with my curent girlfriend we do it every day we together and some much more the once

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magnusfl, Community Member
5/ 1/13 1:17am

I do not know if you got a low Libedo or if there another issue going on

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kat, Community Member
10/ 3/13 6:40am

wow i thought i was the only one with this problem. glad im not. i want it but he never does. would this be a reasonable reason to leave thats what i want to know.

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Sidneyp22, Community Member
10/ 6/13 5:32pm
Sex is a very important part I'm a relationship but let's not forget people it's not the reason we are with our significant others I am the woman in my relationship whom has a sex drive like a teenage boy going through puberty I'm horny all the time. My husband is alwas the one who is "to tired" or has a "stomach Ach" or a "headache" or he just plain tells me he doesn't want to have sex every night and that's fine it's not all about me, or is it all about him. As couples we have a promise to eachother those of us whom are married we are a team we vowed through better or for worst. Maybe some of you out there can sit down like adults and have a one on one discussion about the topic and see if you can't meet in the middle and agree on something that works for you both. And yes some may have to give a little more in order to receive that is life but don't forget the handy handy recource if masterbation! I hope this helps a little if not giving you a little lead on where to start! Reply
Sash, Community Member
12/13/13 3:11pm

i could probably have sex everyday but my hubby works all hours of the day and funny enough, being a man, even he is too tired to keep up, which is normal and i have to understand; as that is what people in relationships do. You have more than enough reason for only only having sex twice a week, he should be lucky, some women hold out for months!!

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Daddyof4, Community Member
2/11/14 2:43am
Ok.. So I've worked 12 years and always came home to my wife to pretty much pass me the button, I cleaned up after dinner, I showered our kids, I helped with the laundry on the weekends and on top of it, I had to please her,not that I'm complaining I loved that part of the day, just about a year ago the rolls changed and now I stay home to do everything she did when I worked. I feel like the sex has diminished ever since she started working. My personal feeling about a wife not keeping her end of the bargain, is the fallowing, it's ok for woman to ask us to make love or sometimes just a fuck to get that sexual frustration off, and we have to fucking comply otherwise it would be unusual for them to here a "not today honey" as a response!! Or even worst their mind starts to wonder if you've gotten off on some other girl before coming home.. Oh but god forbid if we bitch about them not putting out, all of the sudden is all about I'm emotionally and mentally tired, I have a head ache, my stomachs is hurting, I just took a shower and don't want to get sweaty, for some reason I'm cramping.... I mean shit, the excuses that you ladies give are so much more then us men. An it's true sometimes all us men want is the attention from our wife's or girlfriends and your vaginas is not the only thing that can get us off... Be creative and use your Heads to please your men. The way your so creative to use every fucking excuse in the book. Just to clarify.. It doesn't really matter how romantic or creative we get to try to get some... At the end of all of that effort, our inconsiderate wife's still have the nerve to tell us " why can you just do this without expecting some"" REALLY!!! So who wants to correct me on what I haven't done to not get some as often as I had to when I worked???? Reply
tireguy1971, Community Member
2/25/14 10:02am

Advise or thoughts.... iam married for 15 years and my wife and I have sex maybe once a month. I know she feels its a job or task.  She has made comments such " animals have sex just to have it ". It also has gotten to a point where all verbal affection atarts with me and any kind of physical affection has to start with me. I have often purposely not kissed her or told her I love her juat to see how long it takes for her to say or offer a kiss goodbye,  sadly it has and continues for weeks for months. When i bring up this topic it is quickly dismissed by i work 40+ hours and and have huge house to take care and 3 children to see after.  Usually on more than half time i try to initiate sex it is rejected by " tomorrow " or "what are you doing  ". As much as I pride myself in being a manly man this has taken its toll and I feel not wanted and pissed off. Is this just part of mid life or married life? I would think not. Not sure this is the place for this but I jave been looking for info on misc sites without it seeming " bonjor like". 

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By Jen, Community Member— Last Modified: 04/06/14, First Published: 02/26/09