My husband wants to have sex at least 6 times a week. He thinks that I have a very low libedo and thinks I need therapy for only wanting to have sex 2 times a week. I have two kids 9 and 2. I own a business and spend a lot of time volunteering. On average I work 50 hours a week.
- Find
- Resources
Q: what is the average times a married couple has sex per week?
Answers (19)
2/26/09 12:45pm
If you are wanting sex 2 times a week with 2 kids and working full time your considered to have a high libedo. Tell your hubby to grow up.....it's not all about him.
1/22/10 12:30am
Wow Mr. Capitalization! It seems to me that you can not only spell...but you are a bit controlling. Often women feel that sex is a more physical part of the relationship and when men ask for sex so often...they feel that the relationship is more physical than emotional. If you want us to compromise you have to give us something to work with. And we're not talking about bringing home the bank.
1/10/12 1:25am
Dear Mrs Get off your high horse.
Maybe if women would consider the man's feeling in this matter. The way we are supposed to consider there's things would be better. Men bring flowers, back rubs, watch rediculous tv shows all for the hopes of having sex. Grow up and understand its not all about you and what you think you should get before and after having sex.
2/10/11 3:29am
If you make her feel like pleasuring you is her responsibility (like a job), she will treat it like a job ( how do you feel about your job or certain unfavorable aspects of your job)...Show her a little bit of respect, romance, and concideration. For ex, try running her a bubble bath and rubbing her back in the tub and when she gets out doing a full body; try making her a candle lit dinner for two, or God forbid you bring her some roses and plan for an entire weekend of catering to her so that she feels like you are just as much into pleasing her. Im sure you could handle it and if not, grow a pair and be a man because thats what a real man does. He does not spend more time with his guy friends than his gf or wife, he does not demand her unquestioning "duty" towards him, and he certainly does not make her feel like she has only one purpose in life and that is to "serve the likes of him". You do that and maybe she wont feel like she is your personal sex slave. Dont just demand that she take care of you, feed you, have sex with you and then smile cheerfully when youre heading out the door on a friday or saturday night to go be with a bunch of dudes drinking till the early hrs of the day.We are not put on this earth to feed you, screw you, and then otherwise not bother you. Its basic relationship stuff and also common decency; use your head a little; the one NORTH of your neck
10/18/09 5:33am
i wish i could have sex 2 times a week. we avg less then once a week. Always an excuse. No matter what I do its im tired, I dont feel good. I respect my wife and try not to get angry. but its like a game to her.
2/27/09 4:12am
My husband wants to have sex at least 6 times a week. He thinks that I have a very low libedo and thinks I need therapy for only wanting to have sex 2 times a week. I have two kids 9 and 2. I own a business and spend a lot of time volunteering. On average I work 50 hours a week.
3/ 7/09 7:49pm
I find it odd that the male's desires for more frequent sex are often considered childish. If the wife wanted sex more frequently than the husband, would she be admonished to "grow up"? (This is not an uncommon situation, and yes, frequently the man is viewed as being in some way in the wrong when it occurs.)
While 6 (how do you arrive at that number?) may be a bit much, many couples are able to juggle time constraints with sex throughout the week. Sex doesn't have to take a lot of time, and for most people it's enjoyable. Being tired is one thing, but perhaps underlying your husband's unhappiness with the situation is a feeling that you are putting work - and particularly volunteering, something you don't have to do but have chosen to do instead of spend more time with him - before your relationship with him, and that he is something of an afterthought. If he feels this is reflected in the times you do have sex, it will only reinforce this. His focus on sex may be a surrogate issue for that.
3/12/09 10:42am
Sounds to me like OKM has a very good point. Why does the guy always get the blame? Some of you women like to get on these chat places and throw all the blame at your man. Then all of the other women on here who are blaming their guy for something chime in and you all reassure yourselves that you are perfect. 50 hours a week plus volunteering and kids. Sounds to me like your husband is screaming for some of your attention. Maybe you should check into what he needs for a change. All most of you women can do is scream about what you need all the time, never mind what the man needs.
4/ 9/09 8:08pm
I'm hearing all sorts of excuses to put your husband last (volunteering keeps you from having sex -- are you joking?). Have you ever considered putting your husband first? I know, what a horrible, horrible thing to suggest. I write this because the sexual desires of a man are very real biological urges and you ignore them at your peril. Would you prefer to address those urges in a loving way or would you prefer that your husband find an independent sexual outlet? I'm being serious; he is relieving his sexual tension with or without your participation (time in the shower, porn, a massage parlor, someone at work, etc.). As adults you can certainly figure out ways to work around obstacles (kids in high school figure out ways all the time) and have sex, however briefly (it doesn't have to take long, y'know). Besides, you may even find that an occasional orgasm brightens your mood.
11/ 3/09 12:00pm
I totally agree with loud whispers here. You said you do a lot of volunteering, but should that really be a priority above your family... any member of your family. I truly believe your family should take place above your activities and above your career. Family is family. It just sounds like things have been thrown out of balance. Your husband should be a priority, just as important as the kids, but you need to have a discussion with him. He needs to make you a priority too. Maybe he does already and he spends time with you and the kids, but it just sounds like you guys need to talk about this. Don't get so distracted and overloaded with other things in life that the people you love take a backseat. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you.
When you talk to men and women who have left marriages and had affairs, they will tell you, the affair doesn't start out with the intent of being an affair.... it was something that grew usually from a small friendship to more because they weren't satisfied at home. They wanted more than what their spouse was giving them.
11/ 9/09 4:16pm
I really don't understand how in the world ! someone married with the person they choose to spend their life. because it was a choice im sure whatever happened they said i do. how come this people men and women don't want to have sex with their spouse. i dont understand it at all. is like wanting to have babies and then u dont want to prepare the bottle for them to eat. or wanting to go to a Six flags and be all excited about it and make savingss for ur trip, and invite all your friends and family and have great things to eat anf finally get there where u wanted to go and not ride the rollercoasters. i am now a single woman.But when i was married for 11 months well 2 years with all the paperwork, but together eleven months during that time making love with my husband was the most amazing thing for me not because he was very good at it, but because was my husband and me making love it felt so amazing and different so special in my heart and soul.Compared to the ocassional casual sex I experienced in previous relationships before in my single younger years. Yet for my husband was probably not the same because he HE ,not me was the one giving excuses of all kinds which were so hurtful and damaged my self-esteem a lot during that short marriage. he would say things like, im tired, i have a headache, i am cold! What!!? Excatly. Or say that even if we were married sex would interfere in our spiritual life, and dont get me wrong i wasn't asking to be on it like everyday just you know at least 4 times a week minimum or anything at the end. Then I surprisingly found out that he would masturbate and release his sexual desires frequently when i was asleep, or so he thought in our own shared bed, or livingroom, but not with me. I am a beautiful woman, clean, intelligent, kind, sexy etc so is not that i wasn't attractive he was just being abusive emotionally withholding love, and tenderness and physical contact with me in order to do what ? I dont know but didnt wait to much to find out and we divorced like I said about 18 months later. So please if you really love your spouse get the love going and show it every time you have a chance. i never cheated on him but after our divorce i met someone Young and beautiful and we had sex every day several times a day and it just healed me to no end and he was loving and tender in many other ways not only sexually pleasing. So think about it! A loving lady .
8/26/09 10:19am
My husband and I have been together eight years, we both run our own small businesses and have two kids. We go through phases where it's a little less sometimes, but I'd say most weeks we average 4-5 times a week and it's pretty balanced as to which one of us initiates it at any given time. Once in a great while we somehow even manage to have it twice in one day (woohoo!)
I know time and kids are a popular reason when it comes to turning down sex, but I'm wondering if these are the things we expect culturally and therefore knee-jerk the response without really even examining what the core problem is (the sex isn't satisfying, body image issues, unusual exhaustion for long periods, illness, disconnection of intimacy, etc).
9/ 4/09 4:54pm
Woman-to-woman I hear what you're saying. However, as others have pointed out...you really need to look at your priorities. My husband very clearly told me one day that the fact I felt the dishes were more important than his needs made him really question our relationship. Wow! Caught me out of left field really...I hadn't realized that is what I was doing. The truth is that my husband is my best friend and he should be put at the top of the proverbial "list".
I had to take a good hard look at why my desire for sex was so less frequent than his. I came up with a few reasons. Call them excuses if you want but it's what I came up with nonetheless...
1) I am on a few medications including birth control and anti-depressants that can decrease libido. I know this is a major contributor because when I'm off the anti-depressants I'm practically a nymphomaniac. But I have repeatedly failed to do well (in nearly every other area) off the meds. So...I take the meds and just deal with the decreased libido. It seems that as long as I'm conscious about it I'm able to overcome it.
2) I have always had problems with getting to sleep. After sex I am always wide awake (of course he promptly falls asleep) - that was making my sleep problems worse because I associated sex with a sleepless night and it really turned me off. To deal with this one we typically don't have sex at bedtime. We have a 7 yr old and when she takes her evening shower we've got a good 30 minutes to enjoy each other. We take full advantage of that time and then it's a win-win...sex and sleep are both possible in the same 24 hour period!
Been together for 18 years and married for the last 12 of those. We typically have sex 4-5 times a week. He would like it daily but is satisfied with our current frequency because he understands that sometimes I'm just not in "that place" and he respects that.
12/15/10 1:08am
me and my gf been together for 2 years...we been having sex about 2-3 times day or every other day...we r both in college and when she goes home over summer, i see her about a few weeks in the summer. but our relationship is still strong. however this year after summer, she comes back..unwanting to have sex as often( once a week usally) and i feel like im put down lower on her prioirty list. she got a dog, which i love, but allows me to feel more ignored and pushed to the side. and for 3 weeks she wanted to seperate to be able to hang with our friends...things r back to normal now but the sex is still low in count..(once a week?)... i try to repect her knowing that we have busy scehdules and getting tired or not "in the mood" happens...but i feel like something is up and i am wondering why i cant "romance her" anymore... i blame myself though becuase i feel like it maybe me having a high sex drive or just the fact im in class all day...
12/20/10 10:28am
I am not sure why I continue to read these posts when all it does is make me feel worse. I am of course the "typical" man who wants sex more than once a week. But I am also looking for the emotional side of things like cuddling and kissing but just end up denied. I have tried several times to talk to her and say when it's more important to read the paper in the morning then spend time with me there is a problem. Every other part of our life together is perfect. We do not have any children together but my 17 year old daughter stays here every other weekend. I used to be guaranteed sex while on vacation but even that is gone. I just had a 40th surprise birthday party for her with 30 of her friends and not that it was the reason for the party but I at least thought it would put her in the mood, denied. It really hurts me to know that even after that nothing really warrants a nice night of love making. Sometimes she knows I am upset and then I get guilty sex which is usually worse than no sex. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I really feel like the woman in the relationship other then the sexual desire. I hate sports, I want to cuddle, kiss and spend time together. She has no sexual desire, lives for sports, wishes we had a bigger bed and has to have the dog sleep between us. I really like when 1 second after we are done she is petting the dog or watching TV like it was some kind of chore and it's finally over. I have read a thousand articles and I have done the cleaning, date night, massages well everything I can think of. I love her and our relationship but I just need more romance, emotion and sexual contact. Who knows how this will turn out but once or twice a year the opportunity comes up with other women and I have always rejected that but it is getting harder and harder to do that. At times this really depresses me more than I can control. I just want to be as important as football, baseball, the morning paper and the dog.
4/ 3/11 11:54pm
Ditch the bitch. That sounds crude But there are so many women who would crave to be with you. You sound like an amazing man who deserves far more. Who knows why your partner does what she does -you may never get an answer, maybe she doesn't know or it's intrinsic to her personality. Well there are plenty of far better women out there for you
12/17/11 8:35am
I thought I typed that myself. It will never get better. It led to an affair for me and now she wants to have sex every other day and in my head its guilty sex just trying to hold things together. Now I live with my affair and still no sex and the punishment of the smartass one liners I hear weekly.I don't think there is a right answer. I been married 23 years. I Did everything you did. My last resort is to lay in bed and pray she will leave me. Good luck, I will let you know if she walks out the door. I just can't walk away, and just can't understand her.
5/30/12 9:21am
Omg Jeff! I have the same situation with my boyfriend! Its been weeks since we have had sex ....we are 27 and 30yrs old and I am luckey if we have sexy once a month or every 2 months.... He's on depression meds but c'mon! When we do have sex he does the sane thing with our dog... This lack of sex and physical attention is killing me. Im depressed and I feel unattractive.... Its destroying our relationship and really making me second guess if I can live like this. IV never wanted to cheat ever especially on him but lately IV been thinking about it. He says he can't stand my stress and my bitching but I honestly think it's because I never get touched by the man I love...im actually reading that book 50 shades of grey and I find my self throwing myself into theses books because im craving romance myself and I don't have it. I live him but because of this and to be honest because of his drug problem and selfishness I need to move on
when he's good he's amazing and I fall imlove all over again but the bad times outway the good and im realizing that more then ever. Ahh it felt good to vent!
1/ 7/11 3:56pm
In all seriousness I would like to learn from the female point of view on what is a number they find that makes them sexually content over a months time period. Let's not over inflate the numbers instead be honest on the number. I am trying to gauge what is the average amount a woman feels the need for intimacy to be shared between a couple married for 14 years with two children. The husband works about 50 hours a week and the wife stays home and the children are both over the age of ten. If you fall somewhere in this category please posts your average. Because I read these posts of three times a week and I find that hard to believe that women would find that as a content number for them. Again I am asking what number is good for you not what you might do above and beyond to compromise with your husband.
1/12/11 4:09pm
I asked that question almost two years ago. I have since been seperated. I really do appreciate all of the answers I recieved, even the hard to accept answers that men have written about thier needs. They are right, sex should be valued and a man should not be made to feel guilty about his desires. I was in a very sad, very unbalanced place in my life at that time. I think when a relationship has so many deeper rooted issues, sex is one of the first things to go for the woman. (I know it was for me!) I have a healthy desire for sex and connection to a loved one, however that desire and connection were no longer there. Thank You for the perspectives from men and women who are in healthy relationships. When I find that special person that I am in love with, work, kids and volunteering will all take a back seat..my relationship will be first. I look forward to that someday!
5/18/11 8:48am
Been there. He is flat out WRONG. Sex is not a marital right and should always be asked for and given freely - not out of duty. My ex-husband wanted sex 3 times a week, and I wanted it 1x/week (lifestyle very similar to yours). Our "compromise" was 3 times a week and I divorced him a couple of years later as I was tired of the whole deal. Every couple has different frequency and none are right or wrong as long as both are on the same page. I do believe that the national average is somewhere around 1-2 times a week though?
8/24/11 1:06am
I have been looking through all the answers on this forum and I have discovered that I am no where near any of the other estimates. I have been with my wife for 9 years and my wife and I have only had sex 2 times this year and it is the end of August. I would just like to be able to enjoy an intimate moment with her at least once a month but that seems to be way too much for her to get used to. I feel unloved and alone, but what can I do I love her with all my heart and could never hurt her by cheating or leaving her. Things aren't getting better even though I have been doing whatever she says to make it more comfortable for her to loosen up and just do it. I do my best not to raise the issue because it seems to be the cause of an argument every time. What am I supposed to do? I see everyone else's responses of 1-7 times a week and I just loose it because I can't even give a weekly because it would be 0 on average, so I have to go by a yearly average, and that average for the past 3-4 years has been roughly 3-5 times a year. So all of you out there complaining about once a week can just suck it up because I would be thrilled with haveing sex that often.
5/25/12 11:55am
I found this forum because i was interested about average time married couple should have or have sex (or maybe because I feel guilty about my actions toward my husband). We jsut got married three month ago and I already dont feel like having sex! What is wrong with me? He is the most loving, compassionate, romantic, cuddling man I have ever experienced and I married him because I looked for a person who would be that!
Now, everytime he wants to have sex (which is everyday) I find this rediculous excuses or just simply get mad for no reason just to avoid him showing his desire! I feel like total sh*t everytime I am doing that, and the next day I try to be nicer and treat him better, but then something happens and I am back to my bitchy self that I hate so much!
I feel like its little to early for counceling lol 3 month is not even 3 years and I just want to figure out the reasons Im doing this and why is it so hard for me jsut to give a little more of me to my husband? Please help
5/25/12 12:01pm
And Israel! I am so sorry for your situation! I dont have an answer for you, but your post made me stop and think about my actions and I hope, very much, I will not turn out like you wife! We women want men so bad we complain how hard it is to be without one and how much we need their companion, and then when we get one (and a good one too) we neglect, mistreat, and abuse emotionally! And after all that, we blame that sob cheated on us! LOL seriously, what is wrong with us? Why do we think that it is so bad to please your man? Sorry got carried away :)
10/ 1/11 11:22pm
My wife works from home and at times she is busy beyond belief and I understand this. I too am very busy with work and training in the gym and all this before even mentioning our 1 year old child. 2 Times a week is very little to someone that says they would like 6 times a week. I do not think a number should be put on how many times a couple should be intimate, but I do think you should pay attention to the fact that your husband may feel a lack of affection and love from you and maby thats why he is putting the number of 6 over your 2.
If you think 6 may be 2 much throw some other things in the mix like a nite of just oral and or maybe a night in which you 2 enjoy just manual pleasure and or maybe a movie.
I think its not just the sex that he wants it may be intamacy, affection and physical contact with the person that he is attracted to and loves...
2/22/12 9:15am
My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something.
2/22/12 9:16am
My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something.
2/22/12 9:16am
My hasband and I have sex for the most part everyday. We've been married for five years and have 3 children. I love but also actually like my husband, not saying you don't :) But we do it as an act of showing our love and honoring the Lord. However, if one of us didn't want to we would respect that. Days that I am just super tired, I ask if he can just hold me and give me a foot massage or something.
3/15/12 10:02am
HE should be EXTREMELY HAPPY with twice a week ... I dont know your age , But I can relate ..... I have a 9 year old son & a 5 year old daughter ...... I could only WISH my wife would be willing to have sex TWICE A WEEK ..... but unfortunately for me ( & for US ) ... she has almost NO interest whatsoever anymore ....... Im lookin @ 10 times a year ! .... IF I'm lucky ..... & sex is not EVERYTHING ... LOVE IS !!! .... But it honestly IS slowly Ruining our Marrige !
5/28/12 10:33pm
I want to add my 2 cents. I would love to have sex with the person I love 2 times a week. Before I was married to my now wife, she used to tell me she had not had sex with her husband in 7 years. (I thought she was lying) well it has now been 4 years since I have had sex with her. It has affected me both physically and mentally. She can not understand why I have had several affairs, and she has had 3 failed marriges. "SHE JUST DON'T GET IT"
Important:
We hope you find this general health information helpful. Please note however, that this Q&A is meant to support not replace the professional medical advice you receive from your doctor. No information in the Answers above is intended to diagnose or treat any condition. The views expressed in the Answers above belong to the individuals who posted them and do not necessarily reflect the views of Remedy Health Media. Remedy Health Media does not review or edit content posted by our community members, but reserves the right to remove any material it deems inappropriate.
By Jen— Last Modified: 05/30/12, First Published: 02/26/09
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2012 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE WOMEN. ALOT OF ME WORK, AND HELP TAKE CARE OF A HOME TO. I THOUGHT MARRIAGE WAS ABOUT COMPROMIING. OBVIOUS YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS SOME ATTENTION. SOMETIMES YOU WOMEN SHOULD STOP BEING SO SELFISH, AND STOP THINKING JUST BECAUSE YOUR THE WOMEN, MEN HAVE TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. MEN HAVE FEELINGS TO.