Is it normal for a man to masturbate while his wife is in bed with him asleep? This has happened two or three times, and is particularly disconcerting because we have no been having sex. Should I be worried?
It sounds like it is time for you and your husband to have a talk about what is important and what you both want from the relationship. Are you interested in having sex more often? Does he want sex more often? Are you "out of sync" with sexual desires? As difficult as sexual problems are, they are often the result of being "out of sync" emotionally. Are you and your husband doing things together? Do you connect emotionally on a regular basis?
Maybe rather than address the sexual issue, you could start by planning a weekly date or time when you can connect with one another - turn off the television, make talk about work and kids off limit - and spend time together. Take time to do things that you did together during the early days of your relationship to remind you of why you are together.
Once you start rebuilding the emotional connection and the times you talk to one another, you can address the sexual issues - the lack of sex - and see where it leads.
Here are some links that might be helpful for you:
6 Tips for Dating Your Spouse
10 Tips for Men’s Sexual Health
8 Sexual Symptoms Women Shouldn’t Ignore
This happened with my ex-husband. It turned out that he had a heavy addiction to online porn and could not become aroused by normal intercourse anymore. (When I say heavy addiction to porn, I mean beastiality. We're not talking normal every day porn here!)
Though this probably isn't the case with your husband, no sex for six weeks is definitely a sign that something is wrong. Was your sex life okay previously? Sometimes sex becomes so stressful that people find it easier to just masturbate. Have you tried initiating sex recently? If so, what happens?
I would talk to him about it, but don't be confrontational. In fact, don't mention the masturbation at all; there is no reason to embarrass him. Tell him you're concerned about the lack of sex and that you miss it. See where the conversation goes from there.
He could be highly stressed, talk to him and listen to what he has to say, don't attack him it will only make it worst.
The same thing happened to me the other night. I had been mentioning that "maybe we could have sex today" for many days prior to this. At first I was very hurt and acting sarcastic. Now I am not going to mention this any more. Apparently he does not need me. I am kinda over it and I'm sure this is not the first time and not the last. He knows I know because I got up when he was done and said "how come you can't have sex with me?" I guess it is normal for men to do that so I will just accept it.
hey "V" why do you have to ask? thats your husband right? then take charge girl, stop confronting him with words your pushing him away, and start doing with soft passionate but direct actions, put romance in it, be spontaneous. Be persistant without being too pushy. You could even try joining in on the fun next with him while he's doing this, and you do you then maybe you two can even swap where he does you and you do him at the same time(MORE ACTION LESS WORDS). Come on guys jump in the fun, sex is supposed to be fun and exciting make it that way...
Thanks for the helpful info. This has been an off and on again situation for the past 3 years. Not the masturbation thing, I don't think (at least I've never woke up before) ! But we've gone many months without intercourse, sex and I really think it's been at least 5 or 6 years since we've had any heavy kissing. I felt like I was the "guy" always asking for sex and he not being interested. I went as far as going to marriage counseling to figure things out, he went once! Then told me since it was me who was unhappy then I needed to get the help, not him. Things were good for awhile (sexually) and now we're right back where we were. I just don't know how to go on this merry go around AGAIN! Sometimes I think this is not a big deal, i'm just being selfish and other times it feels like its really important.
Any comments, advice, insight would be helpful!
Thanks in advance
Marriage is work as a team and he should have gone to marriage counseling with you. It´s not about you being ´unhappy.´ It´s about the two of your solving an issue that affects both and if only one person of a team makes the effort, little will be resolved. He shouldn´t place the burden on you, but should play an active part in issues as a couple.
i read all the other posibilities, how about just nice and calm without speaking next time gently reach over and you do it for him with your hand, and even maybe after a few hand strokes just slide down and blow him, slowly useing a combination of hand and mouth, then when your done with him ask him to go down on you, like say o.k. baby now its mamas turn, or if you dont want to push the issue just yet then lay on his chest and caress him, thats your man right? then make him feel that way, reasure him...............
There is no soft way of asking him. just do it. of all the answers the blow job is the best but it ends there. even think about him goin down on u, unless he offers to
Men masturbating in itself is nothing to be concerned about. Particularly if they have a higher sex drive then their partner, its just relieving some sexual frustration and despite what many woman think it doesn't mean that they don't need or love you.
However in this case that doesn't seem to be true as he has lost interest in sex as well. Normally I would have said maybe you should take the initiative during sex but it sounds like this is what you have been doing anyway. I think there is probably deeper issues here than just this unfortunately. Have you tried asking him (in a calm and un-confrontational manner) why he would prefer to masturbate than have sex with you. It could have been something as simple as he woke up feeling horny and didn't want to disturb you.
yes it is normal. I"m 76 now, and have masterbate at 11 years old. Instead of 4 - 5 times a day now I"m only doing it once a day. My first wife and I both would master bate sith or with out the other. A male needs to keep doing it to keep his Prostate from getting too large whe n he is older. Some wife don't have sex after they are 60 so shat else can I do and still be a one man/woman.? She knows I masterbate abd I have no reason to hide it from her. I suggest you have a talk with him and get him to keep it open to you. If thzt doesn't help..... Get yhe physco folks to help you both to understand what and why masterbation is normsl as eating a meal. Speaking of eating, that works both ways too.