Wednesday, July 20, 2011 AdviceSeeker asks

Q: Madonna/Whore Complex (Not having sex with GF)

I have been researching the site about the Madonna/Whore Complex. I have been casually seeing someone and over the course of the last couple months we have began to grow closer to each other. In my eyes she is an awesome girl and someone I could truly see myself spending the rest of my life with. I could go on and on about how great she is. However we are having an issue. The issue is I don't see myself wanting to have sex with her. We have had sex and the sex is fine, but not a lot at all. (1 time in the last 2 months). I am 32 and she is 27. So I think even moderate display of sexual acts of affection should be a healthy part of our relationship at this time. She has asked me why I don't try to have sex with her more often and I always deflect the question. I obviously find her attractive or I would not have chatted her up the first time I saw her out.

It's been troubling me, because historically I have a very high sex drive. In fact I still do. I went to speak to a sex therapist today and she labeled me to have what is called the "Madonna/Whore" Complex. Through definition it seems to fit what I am experiencing to a T. Yet that does not help me with a solution. Has anyone had any experience with this and might have a recommendation that will help me remove the mental block I have towards us having sex?

Thank you,

- A
- A
- A

Answers (1)

Merely Me, Health Guide

8/ 6/11 9:50pm

Hi there

Yes we have quite a thread going about this complex.

Are you feeling anxious about having sexual relations? What is the psychological impediment you feel when you think of having sex with your girlfriend? What suggestions did the therapist have with regard to this? Is there something from your past....perhaps what you learned from your family with regard to women and relationships? Did you have this issue before with any other woman?

I found a book on-line about the madonna-whore complex. I have not read it so I cannot vouch for its helpfulness.

It seems a lot of this complex has to do with your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about intimacy...emotional and physical intimacy. Can you find both with one person?

You may want to read this article on the AskMen website on the madonna-whore complex.

There were many episodes on the show Sex in the City where one of the characters was married to a man with this complex. He didn't want to view his wife in a sexual way. They went to couple therapy and the therapist asked how he did become aroused...which images he might masturbate to or think about. In the show the therapist suggests making his wife a part of this...he ends up cutting out his wife's face out of pictures and putting them on the bodies of the women in the magazines so he begins to associate his wife with feelings of sexual arousal. Of course this is just a TV show and for entertainment only.

My best suggestion is to continue to seek guidance from a therapist skilled at handling this particular issue.

I wish you the best of luck.

Q: Madonna/Whore Complex (Not having sex with GF)

Related Questions

Ask a Question