Once you've determined there's a whole ecosystem in your knickers, you have to resolve to eliminate the problem. The good news is that, except in the most extreme cases, you won't have to visit a doctor or get a prescription -- but you will have to alert sexual partners, roommates, and anyone else who might be privy to your unwanted guests. Remember those head checks in elementary school? Same deal here, minus the gym teacher: one infested apple can spoil the whole bunch.
Getting Rid of Unwanted Guests in Your Pubes
Burnhill explains that in the vast majority of cases, an over-the-counter de-lousing shampoo like RID or the prescription medicine Kwell will do the trick. It's important to follow the instructions on the box very closely, as crabs are tenacious fellows and are developing an immunity to some of the shampoos on the market. It's also important to note that these shampoos aren't exactly of the wash-rinse-repeat variety. They are highly toxic and should not be used more often than recommended or around inflamed areas or near the eyes. Pregnant women should also seek alternative avenues. After shampooing, you should use a "nit comb" (a fine-toothed comb used to remove any remaining nits from the pubic hair).
Keep in mind that while shampooing is an easy, effective way to banish the cooties from your body, if you don't take care of the ones in your clothes and bedding as well, a new crab colony could be established in no time. Dump your dirty clothes and your bedding in the washer, and then dry them on a hot setting to get rid of any stragglers. Nonwashable items can either be dry-cleaned or, if you'd rather the crabs die a slow death, sealed in a plastic bag for 10 days. Finally, spray some disinfectant (Lysol will do) on any furniture that might be at risk for crab contamination.
Even after a full-frontal assault on the enemy, it's not uncommon for crabs to return to the scene of the crime. If that's the case, you'll just have to repeat the process until they're gone. A half-assed approach, however, or one in which you don't communicate with those around you, is almost certain to fail. Crabs aren't dangerous: embarrassing, maybe; uncomfortable, undoubtedly; but the biggest risk you face (other than explaining to your sexual partner why you've suddenly taken up ironing) is scratching yourself so hard that you end up with an infection.
"There's no good reason to let it get that far," explains Burnhill. A case of crabs may not exactly be a day at the beach, but it doesn't have to be a living hell, either. And just think how clean your place will look once they're gone.
