What is the Outcome? What Can a Friend Do?
So what girls and boys sometimes end up with are unhealthy and destructive relationships for both parties. One of the big problems is that -- even in spite of clear signs of jerkitis, like the ones mentioned earlier -- excuses are made on both sides and the couple still sticks together.
So if you are a friend or family member of a girl dating a jerk, look for some of the warning signs that can clue you into the possibility of an intervention -- one of many effective solutions for jerkitis sufferers.
“The first thing that comes to mind that I’ve seen in my practice,” says Maloney, “is that the teenage girl begins distancing herself from her friends and family. They might notice that she’ll exhibit depressive traits, different sleeping and eating habits, or increased use of drugs or alcohol. She’ll might also be easily frustrated and display excessive anxiety and anger reactions.”
And although you might think that whenever someone gets in a new relationship, they tend to distance themselves from others in order to be with their main squeeze, there is a difference between joy and frustration. It should be evident that the distancing is occurring because both parties want to be together and are happy. If it doesn’t seem that way, stop to take a closer look.
“Hopefully someone close, like friends or family, will detect the anguish,” Maloney adds, “and be able to tell the difference from a honeymoon phase. When a male is being abusive -- whether it is emotional or physical -- there is a lot of anguish and shame.”
Maloney asserts that if a girl is incapable of ending a destructive relationship on her own -- despite knowing that she should -- it is a sign that she has lost touch with her sense of self.
“For anyone that wants to help,” she advises, “you want to start by encouraging her to develop a more secure self-esteem and self-worth by pointing out that there are other ways to define her worth than who she is with. Identify those characteristics -- she is a great friend, she is a great daughter, she is a great soccer player. Then you’ll begin to get her to take a clearer look at herself and possibly tap back into her self-worth. Eventually, she will develop her sense of self and understand that there will be other boys.”
