Let’s Move On to the Dumping
It won’t be easy. No one said it would. But you’re going to have to convince yourself that it’s the right thing to do.
“I have girls take out a piece of paper and write down ‘I’m leaving,’ let’s say, ‘Joe,’” Maloney explains. “That’s the main item; next we do a cost/benefit analysis.”
Maloney then has the girl in question ask herself, “What’s it going to cost me to leave Joe?” The usual responses are based on loneliness and embarrassment. For example, she may find out that she doesn’t have a date for prom or she doesn’t want to be the only one without a boyfriend.
Next, she has them ask the important question -- “What are the benefits of leaving Joe?” Some responses might be that she’ll see her girlfriends more or she won’t have to take his constant ridicule. After answering this question, most girls realize that they’ll feel better.
Maloney then has the girl turn the sheet over and write the following questions -- “What is the cost of staying with Joe?” and “What are the benefits?”-- and go through the analysis again. The results are usually worth the exercise.
“I think that if you can get to that cognitive place with a teenager,” Maloney says, “where they can really see it on paper and think it through, what commonly comes out is the shame factor, which is something you’ll definitely want to talk about. What is that shame? How much shame do you have staying with him, as opposed to the shame you’ll have if you leave? How many friends or family members have said ‘Dump that jerk, he’s no good for you?’ -- well, there’s a reason they’re saying it.”
These are the tough questions you have to answer -- they will eventually help you to lay the groundwork of the game plan to dump your jerk.
“It’s almost like working with an addict,” Maloney explains. “When you want to see him or go to where he hangs out, who can you call? What friends can you call instead of calling him? Who’s going to talk you out of it? At the moment when your feelings are so intense -- where you feel that you might burst if you don’t talk to him -- who can you call, who do you trust?”
