For example, a couple in which one partner is a Thinker and the other is a Feeler might have different opinions on planning a vacation. For example, the couple might come home from seeing The Talented Mr. Ripley and the Feeler, captivated by the gorgeous scenery, might announce, "Let's take a tour of the Amalfi Coast in June!" The Thinking partner might say, "Well, that's a great idea, honey, but we already have plans to visit your mother in Cleveland and do you have any idea how much it costs to fly to Italy at that time of year and besides, we don't speak Italian." That's not to say that all Thinkers are buzz killers or that all Sensors are flighty dreamers, but it illustrates that people come to their decisions and process information in different ways.
Discovering your type can foster self-acceptance. Knowing that you are, by nature, an introvert (someone who enjoys spending time alone and values privacy) can be liberating if you come from a family of extraverts (people who thrive in social environments) or you tend to get down on yourself for not being "the life of the party." Similarly, in our culture, men and women are expected to display certain types of behavior (for example, men are expected to be thinkers, not feelers, and the opposite is true for women), but in fact, type transcends gender. There are plenty of "feeling" men and "thinking" women out there.
"When you and your partner (or a potential partner) know your types, you can figure out "What is me, what is you, and how do we relate?'" explains Barron-Tieger. She stops short of suggesting that you bring a blank MBTI test and a number two pencil along on first dates, in part because there are no "must avoid" rules for couples. There's no combination that is doomed from the start. Rather, every combination has advantages and disadvantages.
Do Opposites Attract?
Nor do you have to focus on meeting someone with whom you share a lot of letters (for example, ENTJ with ENTP). "Opposites attract. It's a law of the universe," Barron-Tieger explains. "We're drawn to someone because they're different. At first, it's exciting." Problems arise, however, once the novelty wears off, and the difference seems more annoying than endearing. The result is nagging or trying to change your partner. "And who wants to deal with someone who nags us all the time?" asks Barron-Tieger.
