May 11. Send husband out to for more diapers. Thank God I'm not doing this solo.
May 12, 10:00 a.m. Did I mention that it's been almost ten days since I went to the bathroom? Spent an hour locked in the loo, but no dice. Can't take any medication because I'm still nursing. Send husband out for prune juice.
May 12, 10:57 a.m. Nearly gag on prune juice. Would rather implode than drink this stuff.
May 13, 4 p.m. This is more full-time than any full-time job. Hank has been sleeping through most of the day until now. Today, he's up for most of it. This means I have to hold him all day long. If not, he cries. He's a cute little thing, so I don't mind too much. It would be mighty inconvenient, however, if I had to go to 12th grade algebra or to a part-time job at Express.
May 14, 6:30 p.m. Okay, if I have to hold this kid one more minute longer, I'll lose it. I try to pass him off to my husband, but Hank cries bloody murder so I'm stuck.
May 15, 7:00 p.m. Feeling so unattractive I can't stand it. I'm just one big milk dispenser. There's no time to even take a shower so I'm greasy and filthy. Could be worse: at least I'm not in the market for a prom date.
May 17. I'm in a routine now. Wake up at 6:00 a.m., frantically take a shower before Hank realizes he's not being held. Hold Hank, then put him down so I can eat breakfast. Pick him up again. Hold him most of the morning while I watch junk TV and nibble on chocolate because it cheers me up (at this rate, I will never lose this baby fat). I try not to be crabby when my husband gets home, but it's such a relief to have someone to complain to that I can't help it!
May 18. Confession: I'm not as miserable as I sound. Some maternal instinct hormone has kicked in, numbing my irritation and ensuring I give Hank all the attention he needs. Even so, I can't help thinking "Oh, happy day" when I open my door to greet the new babysitter. She's here to hold Hank a few hours a day. Hank, say hello to your new best friend! If you need me, I'll be taking a long, luxurious shower.
Resources
What to Expect the First Year by Arlene Eisenberg et. al. (Workman, 1996).
The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood by Vicki Iovine (Perigee, 1997).
Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott (Fawcett, 1994).
