- Deeply listening to each other.
- Practicing emotional literacy, or knowing how to identify and communicate feelings.
- Resolving conflicts and anger.
According to McGee, these relationship maintenance skills are just as useful to a young couple in a new relationship as they are to an older couple trying to salvage a failed marriage. Young people may even benefit more because they tend to be less resistant to change, says Taylor. They also don't have to unlearn as many deeply held beliefs about relationships (such as the idea that a relationship doesn't require routine maintenance).
"Young people are more evolved about relationships these days," says McGee, "They're not so starry-eyed. They may have grown up with divorced or unhappily married parents, so they've seen that the old way doesn't work."
You may think that giving your relationship the same kind of workout that you would give your body sounds like a drag, but the skills are fairly easy to learn. "This takes less effort than going to the gym," promises Taylor, "After two to three months of practicing these essential skills, they become natural."
But don't wait until you and your partner are in a rut. The time to work on a relationship is before it's needed. "Begin to use these techniques during the intoxication period," says McGee, "It's like learning skydiving together. The time for couples to take on grand projects together is when they're most in love."
