- Mom and Dad were discreet. A person whose parents didn't practice PDA may feel embarrassed about kissing or necking in public. Similarly, if your partner heard his or her parents make derogatory comments about public displays of affection, says Altman, he or she may have internalized that judgment.
- Other people are looking. Your partner may be concerned about what others think. And if you're in the company of parents, single friends, or co-workers, they may have a point.
- Save it for later. Your S.O. may feel that intimacy is a private matter. Altman notes that some people are quite uninhibited at home when it comes to sexual expression, but freeze up when other people are around.
How to Compromise
Convincing a partner to be more or less affectionate in public isn't easy, but it can be done. Altman suggests the following strategies:
Open up: Talk to your partner about what makes you uncomfortable about PDA. Ask what they can handle (a hug, a kiss on the cheek, an arm around the waist, a hand on the knee, etc.) and don't go beyond those limits.
Compromise: Bring a 'touchy-feely' partner down to your level, or a 'hands-off' one up by coming up with less obvious ways to be affectionate in front of others, such as holding hands under the table, sharing a look, or blowing a kiss across a room.
Get playful at home: Tickle, wrestle, kiss and be spontaneous when you're alone. It just may carry over to the outside world.
Use common sense: It's fine to be affectionate, but avoid these moves, which are sure to annoy onlookers:
- Deep kissing that goes on and on.
- Body grinding.
- The butt or breast squeeze.
- Smooching in front of a single friend, your parents or co-workers.
- Anything that can be construed as sexual, rude or inappropriate.
