Avoid the LDR Pitfalls
To avoid wasting time, money and gasoline, look out for these four common potholes in the LDR road:
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The Time-Suck
When you're in a long-distance relationship, you've got less time to see friends, do laundry, and even just veg out on the couch. Don't allow yourself to fall into a situation where all your free time is devoted to the relationship. Set some boundaries. If you see each other every weekend, make sure you have time during the week, and some weekends, for yourself and your friends. -
Wallet Whiplash
An LDR can severely strain your wallet. With a long-distance relationship, you'll be saddled with higher phone bills and new traveling expenses. If you're in it for the long haul, make sure you've got a way to pay the bills. -
The Road Warrior
Decide who will visit whom and how often. Take turns being the one doing the traveling so that you don't feel stuck in the roles of long-distance trucker or bed-and-breakfast owner. -
Wandering Hands Syndrome
Monogamy is a huge issue in long-distance relationships. Discuss whether you both are free to see other people before you meet those other people, not after.
Increase Your Success With an LDR
Got your LDR up and running? Keep it going with these five cornerstones:
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Keep the visits and calls coming
It's important to keep the lines of communication open, so make sure both of you are still psyched about making time for phone calls and weekends together. When time together becomes a burden, that's a warning that some larger issues are at stake. -
Stay honest with your partner
Long distances add strain to the healthiest of relationships. Staying honest with your partner will help keep small problems from becoming larger ones. Are you attracted to the people you meet at parties? Do you have trouble leaving your city every weekend? It doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. Every relationship goes through hard times. Just make sure you talk about it so you don't hold these frustrations against your mate. Openness can add new levels of depth to your relationship without causing it to crumble. -
Talk about the future
Try to find a point in the future when you will live in the same city. "You need to think about the future," says Dr. Wise. "Are you just going to have intense weekends and be lonely during the week? That doesn't sound good to me." Even if it's a year or so off, establishing a point in time when you can see yourself in the same city will take a lot of pressure off the relationship and help the future not look so bleak. -
Don't leave angry
If you get in a fight during the time you are together, try to work through the issues before you separate again. It's best not to let any heated issues linger since it may be a while before you are together again. -
Little things mean a lot
Plan romantic weekends away, write love letters, send naughty e-mails, surprise your partner with a candlelit picnic at the beach, or arrive at her/his place with a dozen handpicked flowers. Although it may feel like you're already going out of your way just to be in the relationship, make the extra effort to show your girlfriend/boyfriend that you don't take him/her for granted.
