"Some people lose partners as a consequence of their choosing to be abstinent," says Paul Okami, PhD., adjunct professor of psychology at the University of California in Los Angeles. According to Okami, some people choose abstinence as a way of testing their partner's commitment. "A partner might ask, 'Do you really love me enough to deal with not having sex?'" he says.
Making Abstinence Work
If you're committed to abstaining from sex until marriage, the following steps can help you feel more confident about your decision:
- Examine your decision to be abstinent. You should know why you made your decision.
- You should have enough confidence in your decision so that no one can change your mind.
- Acknowledge responsibility for your body and what you do with it. Know that you can control yourself.
- Don't give yourself excuses or ways out, like "I'll be abstinent unless I meet someone really special."
- Try to date people who share and understand your views in life.
- Be realistic about your future with someone. Just because you think you'll marry them now doesn't mean you will.
- If you slip up, don't throw in the towel. Look at each day as another chance to meet the challenge you've set for yourself.
- Always keep in mind that abstinence is not forever. You are just holding out now for something better in the future. It'll be worth it.
