You'd Do Anything for Love, But You Won't Do That
When it comes to sex, "We all have our own ideas about what we will or won't do," says Bakos. This applies to acrobatic positions, kinky accessories, and explicit pillow talk. Perhaps the two of you saw a sexual act described or performed in a movie. Now your sweetie wants to do something in the sack that's way outside your comfort zone. How do you shoot down the sexy suggestion without seeming like a prude?
"You have to be honest and define your standards, or you'll react later and turn it into a big issue about control," says Bakos. Why not say with a laugh, "Oh, that's a little extreme for me," or "I don't know about that," and suggest something you'd enjoy just as much. You can always go back and discuss the idea if it sounds interesting, but you can't erase the bad feeling that comes from doing something that makes you feel compromised.
Here are two more ways to turn so-so sex into so good sex:
Say "Ow!" There are sex moves that don't quite do it for you, and then there are those that just plain hurt. If the latter is the case, say so. "Be clear by saying, 'Ow, that hurts. We need to slow down,' or 'I can't do it this way,'" says Karen Gless, PhD, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego, CA. Pain shouldn't be a part of sex (unless you're into some kinkier stuff, but that's a different story.
Redirect Your Romancer The easiest route to the right touch doesn't even require words, says Gless. Begin by touching your partner's hand and moaning a little (to make sure he or she knows you're having fun). Next, move his or her hand to a different place, or demonstrate a different pace. Done skillfully, your partner won't even notice that he or she has been coached.