Uribe believes that the most promising dating scenarios will be with someone "your own age with similar interests." Because of the difficulties with dating peers, however, many young gays and lesbians seek out older people to date. These relationships can become a kind of mentorship or rite of passage. On the other hand, a young gay or lesbian risks emotional trauma because when you're young and eager, it's sometimes hard to tell if the older person is "in it for the love, to be altruistic, or for your 15- year-old ass," says Savage. In other words, proceed with caution.
Get Support
"Dating and sex are complicated enough without having to hide and sneak around," says Savage. For that reason, young gays and lesbians, who, as Uribe puts it, live in "fear of rejection from family, from churches, and from educational institutions," need to be especially self-protective. While most "breeders" (that is, straight folks) can count on their parents for dating advice (which, even if lame, can be comforting), parental support is something few gays and lesbians can count on. If you're determined to become a part of the dating scene, both Savage and Uribe suggest that you first develop a solid group of friends. They can be real lifesavers when you find yourself in a relationship crisis.
Savage also urges queer youth to avoid "the idiotic notion that your first boyfriend or girlfriend will be your only boyfriend or girlfriend." Take it slowly and don't get caught up in the drama of trying to reenact any "Romeo and Romeo" or "Juliet and Juliet" scenarios. That star-crossed lovers schtick is way old (over five hundred years). You've got plenty of time, so shop around.
Finally, don't feel obliged to be active sexually. Mutual masturbation and oral sex are not "consolation prizes, they're a great way to have sex that minimizes the risk for getting STDs (sexually transmitted diseases)," says Savage. It's empowering to be the one who decides when you are ready to go all the way.
Leveling the Playing Field
It's natural to want to date, or even, as Savage puts it, "to have your big slut days." But you might want to consider deferring serous dating endeavors until after high school, when, both Uribe and Savage agree, your situation will be much more conducive to it. If you're going to college, Savage suggests you "go to a big state school where there are tens of thousands of students, lots of gays and lesbians, and a vital, viable dating scene," not a small liberal arts college with only a thousand co-eds that could turn out to be as unfriendly an environment as high school.
As people become more tolerant and educated, it's getting easier for young gays and lesbians to date openly. However, if it's just not in the cards, "it's not the worst thing in the world not to date in high school," says Savage. Look on the bright side: you can always use this time to create an extravagant fantasy life and get really good at jerking off.
