To get through the initial fear of coming out, you need to start with yourself. You are the most difficult person you'll ever tell, because only you can truthfully answer whether you are lesbian or gay. I can remember standing in front of the mirror at age 13, choking out the words, "I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay." It was important to say it out loud, but it scared me because I didn't really know what it meant.
Most individuals who are gay or lesbian find their processes of self-revelation somewhat similar. They may have felt different at a young age, or had a secret crush or other intense feelings toward someone of the same sex. They might have identified with a collection of coming out stories in the bookstore. In many cases, they may feel an internal conflict because being gay or lesbian goes against their religious beliefs or the expectations of their family and friends. Someone who is "in the closet" may also be in a straight relationship and be unhappy.
For a long time, all I knew about being gay or lesbian was what I read or saw on TV. Luckily, there are many more movies, books, and TV shows featuring lesbian and gay characters today than there were 10 or 20 years ago. It's important to let go of old stereotypes. Not all lesbians are tough truck drivers, and not all gay men have HIV, are effeminate, or are hairdressers (some may dispute this last one). Being lesbian or gay is just one part of your whole personality. You don't have to be any "certain way," except for the part about being attracted to the same sex -- that one's kind of key.
Once you're comfortable with yourself, whom do you come out to next? Don't be surprised to find that your closest friends may already know. Mine did. Yours may drop hints to let you know "they're cool about the whole gay thing." But if you're not ready to come out to them yet, don't force it. Coming out is a highly emotional experience. When you trust someone enough to tell them you're gay or lesbian, that person should take it as a compliment. Don't expect the people you come out to have all the answers--but if they ask questions, it shows they care. Being honest with them may help them be honest with you. If they truly feel that your coming out to them doesn't change anything and they like you just the same, they'll tell you so.
