Tracy I so appreciate your posting this..what you have been through makes mine seem like a cakewalk.  I was kind of feeling sorry for myself because I had a rather large BCC that was removed by MOHS (on the bridge, side panel of my nose) and then immediate reconstructive surgery involving a skin graft.  The bandages were removed today and they kept telling me how beautiful I looked...when I looked in the mirror I near fainted.  I know it's still in the healing process and I know I am being vain...they kept telling me, it wasn't "that huge", etc..but they didn't adequately prepare me for what I had to face.  Yet when I think about what you have had to deal with, my own situation seems trivial.  I can at least cover my area with a large bandage before leaving the house.  At some point in the future I WILL be able to use make up over this area...I hope I can cover it better.  I have thought about this issue inside and out....tried not to think about the "vanity" of it...the important part is that I become healthy and cancer free, but the fact of the matter is too that my face is the first thing that I present to the world..a face that I have taken good care of as a matter of fact.  I have worn sun screen since I was 14 years old..worked in the cosmetic industry, my face is my job...so how can it not matter to me?  Now at 51 I have (HAD) a flawless complexion...nary a wrinkle.  Yet this is my second bout with MOHS and skin cancer.  The first one was when I was 31...I was lucky, it was a big surgery but it was in the naso-labial line where it could be tucked neatly away..the surgeon did a beautiful job.  When the girls in the office took the bandage off today and I looked in the mirror I laughed and cried at the same time...I told them to go get the Dr's prescription pad..to write my husband a script for Calis..because with my face he was going to need it..OR I was going to have to put his eyes out. 

I have 12 weeks of this "cream" to use..the chemo cream...YAY.  That will keep it nice and red and irritated. (laughing!)  But I suppose the important thing is to make sure the stuff does not return..it was millimeters away from my eye.  (I have a lovely black eye) 

Tracey, you have been SO strong and brave...you have been better than I have.  In some regard I was lucky because I had MOHS before..had a skin cancer Dr. that specialized in MOHS and went directly to him for the second surgery..as soon as he saw the location he knew he would not be able to close and that I would need reconstructive surgery right after he did the MOHS surgery.  He lined it all up.  I begged him to close but he refused and said I had to have the reconstructive surgeon...so that is how it was done.  I know you must have days when you wonder if this will ever end...you have to trust that it will be put behind you and this will all be a memory.  I wish that your surgery could have gone as smoothly for you as mine did for me...now I just have some mental adjustments to make.  I have to realize how blessed I was to have such wonderful physicians..and blessed to have INSURANCE..and blessed that I was that I found the BCC before it grew even further...like yours, mine did not have borders either...thankfully, it did not have a wide spread root system like the first BCC I had DID.  So, tonight rather than continue in my negative thinking pattern I am going to try to think about my blessings..and I am going to try and send some good thoughts your way.  Many blessings to you Tracy!

Robin

tracy fisher

1/ 3/09 2:24pm

thank you Robin

 

i fully understand your feelings the nose is the thing people first see, i still find it hard when it comes to a party or night out. i just dont feel that i can look and feel special. but you cant let it get in your way of enjoying life and the one thing i have learnt is beauty really is from within and i am learning to love my scars.

time is a great healer a

many thanks

happy new year

 

 

Tracy