Ok, I am free of going on my daily to every other day hunting expedition for a fresh pack of Virginia Slims Super Slims Menthol then finding none ~~ settling for Capri Menthol Lights. Not having to shell out over $5.00 a day for a pack of cigarettes unless I had coupons. Now, I was buying gum, peppermints and more books. My patches were free, so I was a bit "richer".
My body was changing ~~ instead of breathing freely, my chest had become heavy~~but I could now sing louder and hold a note longer in church, most prepackaged foods tasted much too salty ~~ but, chocolate tasted better and I was more ready to ‘jump' on the little annoyances than before. Instead, of a small flash of hot in my perimenopausal state; raging infernos on my face and chest brought me near to combusting.
Yet, except for the heaviness felt in my chest I could deal with the rest, because the "little person" jumping up taking the floor of my mind was taking the forefront of everything. This "person" installed itself as President and formed a "I Need a Cigarette NOW Committee!". Yep ~~ this "person" was assembling an entire committee within hours of being denied it's ‘fix' for now ~~ a week plus.
At each protest march through my mind by INCNC (I Need a Cigarette NOW Committee!), I rationalized with multitudes of positive sayings or talking to GOD. Since, I was unemployed, I read and cleaned more. I spent more time in dollar stores looking for items to turn into crafting projects. Picking up a few knitting and crochet needles ~~ quite a few folks received scarves, even if they didn't need or want them. This all was good, but the committee was having hourly membership drives; enlisting more militant members with each "drive".
So, I joined the local health department smoking cessation workshop, proclaiming my reason for stopping smoking was ~~ ‘to outlive my enemies". As I sat there listening to other ‘I am quitting ....." reasons, the committee was holding it's first forum on "How Good the First Cigarette Makes ME FEEL". As each of its member gave the instance which brought "the feeling" ~~ such as the first one in the morning; after the first sip of coffee and meals, before going to bed, while driving to church and yes, right after leaving, I remained committed. After each 'feeling reason' was given, it received a standing ovation lasting longing the last one. Whew! I began to sweat.
I sat there participating in my first smoking cessation meeting and quashed the committee's forum. After all I was going to get a duffle bag with a water bottle once this meeting was over. Immediately, the committee president orchestrated roaring laughter and comments of ~~ ‘yeah, she needs another duffle bag with water bottle". The meeting finally ended. This group and I slowly descended outside into the crisp, fresh winter night air carrying our duffle bag with water bottle. Mmmmm......breathing deeply~~feeling better and the INCNC had calmed down.
