my cardiologist warned me. he said that after several months it gets harder not to smoke. last time i saw him i was 3 months "clean". he asked me " how are you doing with the smoking?" i replied " why don't you ask me how i'm doing with the NOT smoking?" he looked somewhat abashed. but he's definitely cynical. he told me that a vast number of his patients relapse. and, unfortunately, lie to him. he wasn't trying to discourage me but i was quite annoyed and indignant. sure i'd lied about quitting before, but not to him. and i really haven't smoked. he explained that after the novelty and accolades fade the challenge increases. i'm now at the 5 month mark. i'm 10 days without chantix. and i'm upset to find that it has become harder. it's sinking in that i'll never smoke again. i've overcome so many "association traps"----- coffee, driving, after icecream but now i'm struggling with odd ones, like listening to 80's music or coming out of the ocean. my point is that i don't want to white knuckle it. i will never smoke again. my life depends on it even in the short term. i am (ridiculously) sad. and since it's been so hard all along i worry that it won't get easier. i'm sure there's not a magic formula, but from anyone who's found "peace" suggestions?
