i feel a little like a broken record. now that's an interesting metaphor. it'll probably need to be explained to children in the near future. we can say that it's sort of like a skipping c.d. it makes me think that it would be great to have to explain smoking to the next generation. maybe it'll sound ridiculous......" we used to stick burning paper and toxic leaves in our mouths. yeah, we used to actually draw hot tobacco into our lungs. in order to solve problems. or stay thin.. or kill time" maybe they'll hardly believe us. but back to my original dated statement. i'm about to rave about chantix again. i've done this several times. but it's a tune that doesn't seem to be getting old to me. i've been back on the medicine for about 10 days now. 10 days where i've felt calm and in control ( albeit a touch nauseated, but it passes). i'm in awe. my cravings are few and like passing fancies. today was yom kippur. because i'm on so many medicines i can't fast. i just eat things i'm not partial to and lightly. i've fasted since i was 11. and, to my shame. smoked every holiday from age 20 through last year. i'd be parked about a mile away from the synogoge and would smoke surreptiously for most of the walk. then i'd slip into my seat. according to my father i literally reeked. it was probably noticeable to anyone in my near vicinity. how selfish. the ways that smoking is selfish are innumerable. but addictions are what they are; hard to conquer. and chantix is like an extra prayer. certainly it doesn't/shouldn't replace faith. but it allows me to access my own will power. it may be geting old (like me), this "infatuation" with a pharmaceutical. but it's just so amazing. i know a lot of people are (rightly) leery of pills. but if anyone out there has even thought about it, go for it. talk to your doctor. feel free to talk to me. maybe breaking a habit should be difficult, to help ot stick. but smoking is so very compelling and so very deadly. (for me) chantix hasn't removed all longing or all personal responsibility. not smoking is an accomplishment regardless of how it's accomplished. p.s. my mother is geting ready to quit again tomorrow....all positvive thoughts and energies directed her way will be much appreciated
