Whether you have a great sex life or you think it is just so-so, there is always room for improvement. Keeping excitement and mutual satisfaction in the bedroom takes work; it doesn’t just happen because you love your partner. While love and the desire to please your partner are important ingredients, there are many things you can do, some before you get into bed and some when you are in bed. The following are 10 ways you can make your sex life more satisfying, exciting and interesting.
Things to Do On Your Own
Kegel Exercises (This one is for women) - The muscles in your pelvic area can become stretched and out of shape, just like all the other muscles in your body. Keeping these muscles in shape can increase sexual sensation and make sex more satisfying. Kegel exercises can be done when you are sitting at your desk, stuck in traffic or when watching television. No one around you needs to know you are doing them. To help learn how to do them, however, you may want to be alone. Place your finger in your vagina and squeeze your muscles tight. When you can feel pressure on your finger, you are contracting the right muscle. Contract and relax this muscles ten times each day.
Dress for Sex - This means dress for sex all the time. Wearing sexy lingerie (for women) or silk boxers (for men) can make you feel sexy all day, anticipating seeing your partner and getting into bed together. Your partner may also appreciate watching you undress as you get ready for bed, knowing that you are ready and willing.
Get comfortable with your own body - Many people are insecure about how their body looks, focusing on the “problem areas” instead of appreciating their body and viewing it as sexy or attractive. Take time to look around you when at work, the mall or at the gym; appreciate that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and there is no “ideal” body. Ask your partner what he or she likes about your body and remind yourself everyday what your favorite features are. Feeling good about your body helps you feel more comfortable about your sexuality.
Before You Enter the Bedroom
Plan for Sex - We all want to be spontaneous but let’s face it, by the end of the day, you are tired, your partner is tired, the problems of the day are weighing on your mind, you are stressed about what tomorrow may bring and spontaneity frequently means sex gets put off until tomorrow. While there will be times sex is spontaneous, fill in the other days by planning for a hot and heavy night. Make plans to send the kids to the grandparents house for the night, plan a romantic evening, light some candles, set the mood and let your partner know ahead of time that you want sex. Scheduling sex doesn’t take away from the enjoyment you receive from it.
Talk to Your Partner - Talking about sex is good but for your sex life to sizzle, you need to have an open, close relationship and this starts with communication. Make sure you set aside time every day to connect with your partner. The closeness you feel will spill over into the bedroom.
Flirt with Your Partner - In the beginning of your relationship, you probably flirted with your partner all day, every day but as time goes on, the mundane and routine of daily life takes over. Start your day off by flirting with your partner at breakfast and throughout the day. Let your partner know how sexy you think he or she is throughout the day, not just when you enter the bedroom.
In the Bedroom
Increase the Time You Spend on Foreplay - Foreplay is the exciting, fun interaction that you and your partner engage in before the “main event.” It can begin with the flirting at breakfast and continue through the day. Try sending your partner a text in the middle of the day letting him or her know that you are looking forward to spending the evening together. When you get into bed, spend time giving one another a massage or kissing without touching for a while. We frequently think of foreplay as the time we spend in bed before intercourse, but foreplay can last for hours, giving both of you feelings of anticipation and excitement.
Try New Positions - After years of being with the same person, you probably have your favorite positions and even if you start out differently you may end up in the same positions you both feel comfortable in. Be adventurous and try a new position. If you need ideas, check out books on sexual positions and try a few out. Make sure you talk about how you both felt after and if you both found it enjoyable, add the position to your repertoire.
Tell Each Other What You Enjoy - We sometimes think our partner should know what we like, especially when we have been married for years but this isn’t always true. If you feel uncomfortable talking about what you like, agree to guide each other’s hands showing him or her how and where you like to be touched.
Tell Your Partner How You Feel - Suppose you cooked a fabulous dinner for your family. You spent a lot of time preparing the meal and were proud of how it came out. But no one commented on the dinner. You would take their silence to mean they didn’t appreciate or like the dinner. Sex isn’t any different. If you don’t say or show how much you enjoy sex with your partner, he or she may interpret your silence to mean you didn’t enjoy it. If you just had the best sex in your relationship, tell him so. If you feel satisfied, let him know.
Do you have any additional ideas or ways that you can add to this list?
Eileen Bailey is a freelance health writer. She is the author of What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now, Idiot’s Guide to Adult ADHD, Idiot’s Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love, and Essential Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome. She can be found on Twitter @eileenmbailey and on Facebook at eileenmbailey.