As relationships move from the “honeymoon” stage to “real life” some couples find the passion they once shared fades away. Dealing with kids, financial responsibilities and overwhelming jobs takes our focus and we may feel we have a partnership rather than a relationship. But keeping, or putting back, passion into your relationship isn’t impossible and there are many couples who find they still share that “spark” throughout their relationship.
The following tips can help to reignite or keep passion:
Make time for one another. The first priority in a relationship is to spend time together, alone. That means spending time in front of the television with the kids doesn’t count. You need to make it a priority each week to be together, as a couple. Whether you have young children or are empty-nesters, make time to pay undivided attention to your partner, one-on-one each week.
Accept it is okay to want passion. We sometimes assume that we are wrong if we want passion in our relationship, that we should accept the casual and comfortable togetherness as a normal part of our relationship. While this is certainly one part of your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you can’t also enjoy passion.
Don’t assume you know what your partner wants. After you have been together for a number of years, it is easy to assume you know what your partner thinks and feels. But before assuming, take the time to ask. Ask his opinion on where to go for dinner, choosing a dress to go out, what movie to see. Including him in the decision making may make him feel more appreciated and more valued, increasing his feelings of passion toward you.
Follow your own dreams. Too often in relationships, togetherness becomes routine. Be sure you continue going out with friends, exploring your own interests and delving into your own hobbies. This keeps you interesting and exciting and helps spark your desire for excitement within your relationship.
Treat each other with kindness. There is nothing better than being treated kindly and that is true for your partner as well. A kind word, a compliment, doing something for him just because all help fuel the fire. If you are wondering why there isn’t any passion left, listen to how you speak to one another. If you don’t speak with kindness and love, your partner may be reacting to your attitude.
Remember why you fell in love. What do you think of your partner, right now? Do you look at him with tainted glasses, remembering all the negative or do you remember all the reasons you fell in love? Make a list of ten reasons why you love your partner and ask him to do the same. Focusing on what is good in your mate rather than on their faults can help bring back feelings of love.
Learn how to argue. As a couple there will be many times you disagree with one another. In struggling relationships, arguments often turn into accusations with each partner blaming the other. Accept that there are times you will disagree and that it is how you manage those disagreements that matter, not the disagreements themselves. Start discussions by talking about how you feel rather than what the other person has done wrong.
Last, but not least, is communication. Sharing ideas, thoughts, feelings can bring you closer. As with assuming you know what your partner wants, we often forget that we need to continually connect with our partner by verbally communicating. Share stories about your day and ask your partner what happened at work. Staying connected emotionally helps keep you connected physically.
These tips were adapted from a relationship program I completed
Eileen Bailey is a freelance health writer. She is the author of What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now, Idiot’s Guide to Adult ADHD, Idiot’s Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love, and Essential Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome. She can be found on Twitter @eileenmbailey and on Facebook at eileenmbailey.