Editor's Note: This story is part of the series A Plastic Surgeon Sexualized My Exam
I underwent post-bariatric body contouring with one of the finest plastic surgeons in the nation. Let me be clear that he is not the plastic surgeon who sexualized my exams. I refer to my doctor as my "real plastic surgeon" so that readers do not confuse him with the bad plastic surgeon who harmed me. Here is my story.
**Emotional Assault **
Although it is clear to me now, at the time I was unaware that he had sexualized my exam. This was a prominent plastic surgeon, a pillar within the community. So I trusted that he had conducted a proper post-op exam even though I never had been touched like this by my real plastic surgeon.
I have since learned that this control is exactly what a predator counts on happening to his victim. A predator not only physically attacks his victim, but also emotionally attacks her. He is intent on controlling her. He is stimulated by his domination of her, to be able to do to her body what he wants without her consent.
As I reflect back on the abuse, I feel naÃ¯ve to have been so unquestioning of the surgeon. But his demeanor had been warm and kind. He was nice and he showed great interest throughout my exam. It was very confusing to me because I had the misconception that abuse is always violent. But it is this tender faÃ§ade that gets the predator close to his victim. Had the surgeon been brutal it would have sent me running from the room.
A Lure to Bring Me Back?
This was to be my only office visit with the plastic surgeon. However, moments before I left, he offered a silicon wrap for me to try on my incision. He told me that he was testing it on a few patients and simply asked for my feedback in return. I could stop by the following week and pick it up from his nurse. It seemed a benevolent offer at the time.
Subsequent to that, I received an email from the nurse. The plastic surgeon wanted to photograph me before and after using the wrap. So I had to see him for a second office visit.
Nowadays I wonder if this gift had been a lure to get me back into his grip.
Sexualizing My Exam" Again
I saw the plastic surgeon and his nurse a few days later.
He made an attempt to unbutton my pants - and presumably he would have pulled them and my panties down in order to put the wrap on me. But I did this myself and drew my pants and panties to my thighs so that the surgeon could apply the wrap. Once he had wrapped me, however, the surgeon immediately used his hand on me just as he had done so days prior.
Step by step, he repeated the violation of my body with precision. He even made the remark that "the wrap will help with the swelling here" while he fondled me. And as before, I felt my power sucked out of me and into the force of his gaze. That was the worst part for me, his being directly in my face and watching me and without doubt enjoying my reaction of fear and submission.
If you've never been sexually abused, it may be hard to understand that I could feel his power overtake me and my power leave me, as if pulled out of me and into him. I hated his looking at me, looking into me. I moved my eyes down to his hand in my crotch and could not utter a word.
There was something that would change in the surgeon when he did this to me. His demeanor went from kindness to depravity. It felt as though he was impressed with his power and had enjoyed proving to me that he had control over me. That he could get away with doing this in front of the nurse and she would not care. When I looked at the nurse this time her eyes met mine with a cold hard stare.