Is It Advisable To Marry A Schizophrenic After Telling You The Full Details ?

Question

Asked by priyanka

Is It Advisable To Marry A Schizophrenic After Telling You The Full Details ?

HI, My name is Priyanka I am from Mumbai, India and I am 26 years old.. My fiancé is 25 years old right now.. I first met him 6 years back... He was studying in IIT Dethi.. After a year we met he proposed me and eventually we were in a very happy relationship. He is very caring and lovable guy.. But he used to drink and smoke a lot. He used to sometimes smoke up. .Some street drug called weed.. I used to stop him from all that but he dint budge. I work in an advertising agency in Mumbai where I have seen lot of people doping everyday for 15 yrs of their life. So I never took it that seriously. I myself used to smoke cigarettes occasionally.

Then when he was 22, he got a job in Pune with nice income.. I thought things are going to be fine from now on and we will have a very happy married life. His problem was that he was very lazy. He never liked eating . Somebody had to force him to eat every time.. He was very immature and lazy. But he was trying to improve.. His mother use to stay with him in Pune to do all the household work.

When he was 23, he thought of doing his MBA. He gave his CAT examination, got 98.76 percentile and got admission in one of the top 7 colleges in India. And luckily the city was Mumbai where I used to stay . He was very brilliant. He used to study for 15 days while others used to study for months and months. He has always been extremist.. If he really wanted to do something with lot of passion he always was able to do it.

One year after his MBA , he got very deep into doping and alcohol . He got influenced with college friends who used to dope a lot. He couldn't sleep without drinking. His anxiety level went very high. He started studying horoscope and related physics into it. He used to get irritated when I call him or ask him to meet. During his high period he always said he doesn't want to get married to me. He doesn't want to get married to anyone in fact. He used to do telepathy(asking his friends to think of the no. and it used to sometimes come right) and he started feeling like god. He dint sleep for 4 days properly and was high on dope and started talking about some equilibrium theory that he had thought of.. He wanted to drop his MBA and do something else in life. I got very scared, called his parents from Chennai and tried to speak with him. It just dint work. He had all instable thoughts.. He wanted to do 100 things at a time. After few days he made a decision that he wants to write a book. He used to discuss his book idea as to every one around. He had decided what he wants to write and everyone found the idea to be great. He started feeling so happy about it that he used to feel that he will be able to write the complete book in 15 -20 days and its going to be the best book in the work. All big personalities are going to come and appreciate it.. But his anxiety levels whet extremely high every time he used to think about it. His doping habits also dint improve and so he was sent to Chennai to stay with his parents. He dwas very irritated with the place initially .. He wanted to come back to Mumbai since he said he is not able to think about his book ideas in chennai at all. ( Probably there was no Dope around )

He is hospitalized in Chennai right now.. Doctors say he has all the symptoms of schizophrenia. And his mom also had a minor schizophrenic attack first time few months before he got it. Currently doctors in hospital are working on his treatment.. I have a feeling he has been given Drug-induced amnesia ( I am not sure though ) where he does not remember anything what happened to him in the last few months.. How he came to Chennai ? why did he leave his MBA ? Why is he in the hospital ? And lot of other questions are coming in his mind all the time now. Doctors are also going to detoxify this body since he have had lot of alchohol. He is behaving completely fine and normal right now.. He says he loves me and wants to get married to me but after seeing the other side of him , I am extremely scared.. Scared to death..

I wanted to know by the experts after knowing the whole story whether 1) does he really want to get married? 2) Will he be fine now? Should i remind him what happened to him last few months before Amnesia , since he doesnt know what happened to him.. 3) He will have to come to mumbai again next year to finish his MBA. A relapse can happen?

one thing you need to know bout me is that i love him a lot and cant see him in this condition.

Answer

Hello priyanka,

He will not be fine. Whether he has drug-induced psychosis or schizophrenia, either way, he must, right now and forever, totally stop drinking and using any kind of street drug.

A person who has schizophrenia who refuses to take his schizophrenia medication will undoubtedly get a lot sicker over time and revolve in and out of the hospital, sometimes permanently.

Street drug use like smoking weed definitely causes psychosis according to numerous studies on this topic. I have no doubt his psychosis was caused in part by his smoking weed or what you call dope.

There could be any number of resasons he might not remember how he got admitted to the hospital. His brain could've been so fried from his drinking and drugging that he blacked out and developed amnesia. He also might have amnesia related to what happened because when someone develops schizophrenia, he does not always remember the details of the events of his psychosis.

I had a boyfriend with schizophrenia over six years ago and whenever he talked about what happened to him when he got sick, he couldn't describe it in a logical, linear or cohesive or coherent way. He was fuzzy on the details and the sequence of events that happened when he got sick.

Only if your boyfriend takes his schizophrenia medication will you have a chance of a stable married life. That is a big if. You love him, yet you owe it to yourself not to rush blindly into a marriage with someone who, at this point, you don't know will commit to taking the meds and choosing to live a life of recovery.

Actions speak louder than words. You need to trust that he IS acting in a way that will promote his recovery, not just that he WILL act that way in the future. You have only today to base your decisions on.

I've read numerous articles on the Internet, and I've read numerous self-help books that tell the reader that if their boyfriend or girlfriend or other partner is abusing drugs right now, they must walk away from the relationship.

You have no guarantee he will choose recovery, only whatever promise he has made to you. You are both young so there's no need to rush into marriage. I would if you love him so much (AND your intuition tells you he loves you) take it slow and give him a year or two to work on his recovery before rushing into marriage.

That will give you time to see if he is serious about focusing on his recovery. You have the right to expect respect in the relationship, and you have the right to expect he will continue to take his schizophrenia medication.

I can't give you advice though. This is just some information about an idea I'm giving you. Only you can make the decision about what to do.

By the way, I have schizophrenia, and even I wouldn't date or marry a guy who used street drugs or alcohol or didn't take his schizophrenia medication. Then again, I haven't been in love. Yet I'm sure that given the nature of my personality, I wouldn't get involved with a guy who drank or did street drugs or didn't take his medication, even if I loved him.

The choice is yours. And I wouldn't want you to feel this guy is the only guy you'd be capable of getting interest from. He might be afraid of losing you because he knows no one else would accept his behavior.

All you have to go on right now is how he acts today. I would if I were you educate yourself about schizophrenia so you can understand what you're dealing with too. This web site is a good place to read about this illness.

Regards,

Christina

Answered by Christina Bruni