Becoming Involved With A Person With Ms: Breaking My Heart

Question

Asked by Diabeartes

Becoming Involved With A Person With Ms: Breaking My Heart

I am single (do not have MS) and have recently met someone who does have the disease. It's so difficult to meet compatible people, and although I am really excited to have met a great person, I'm nervous about getting too involved. It's a horribly embarassing thing to say, I suppose, but I know what the future would be like were we to become "serious" and I am not sure I have the strength to be able to be a 24/7 caregiver when and if it would come to that point. So I'm holding back on becoming close to this person and it's literally tearing me apart because I care so much for him already. Am I selfish and horrible to be thinking this? I'm far from perfect myself health-wise but I am completely self-sufficient and hope that I will be for as long as I can. The person I'm talking about is 45 y/o and although bound to a wheelchair or walker when not sitting or lying down, he lives a regular life, meaning he drives, volunteers for the local MS Society, takes yoga classes, goes to theatre, etc. If someone could please comment on their own similar experiences and how you handled it, I'd be so very grateful. Thanks.

Answer

Hi Diabeartes,

What a conumdrum -- a possible long-term happy relationship compared with a possible agonizing heartbreak. As with Lisa, I have MS, but I may have more information of interest.

When i was 45 I used a chair and a walker to increase my mobility, hand controls in th car, practiced yoga and had wonderful dinners with my sweetheart. Today, at 63, I admit I am in the wheelchair and bed with significantly less mobility, using an accessible cab and less elaborate meals at home, but still with my sweetheart -- the same one. He tells me he is happy, and I believe it.

He knows he has the ability and right to leave if he wants to -- as long as he emails or visits now and then. I want to know he is happy with his decision and he will be welcomed back if he is not.

That was our bargain when we faced the same conumdrum. You have to decide what you think will work for you. This is just one example, but we think it worked, at least for almost 20 years.

Good luck with your decision. I know it is not easy. Vicki

Answered by Vicki