Bipolar Alert - This Just In: We Are NOT From Earth

Patient Expert

I just posted a sober and depressing piece. Now for something completely different:

Today, I came across this item: Expert Claims That Humans DO NOT Come From Earth. The article was posted on a site called Higher Perspective, based on a very short book by Ellis Silver, who is an ecologist.

According to Dr Silver, humans have a very difficult time adjusting to life on earth. Giving birth is a chore, we are disease-prone, the sun tends to be our enemy, and we are synced to a 25-hour day. As for walking upright and all the back pain goes with it, it makes far more sense that we evolved on a low-gravity planet somewhere else.

Dr Silver raises that suggestion that aliens may have interbred with Neanderthals and that we are the result. I'm not sure if I go along with this, but the overall idea that we are in fact from somewhere else did strike a chord with me. Here is the subtitle to my memoir:

My funny life on a planet not of my choosing that I now - maybe, sort of, not really, well okay - call home.

Basically, we are strangers in a strange land, outsiders struggling to fit in. In my first chapter, I note:

Maybe someday aliens will kindly abduct me and return me to the planet of my birth. In the meantime, I'm stuck on this one, blindly doing my own stunts - leaping, stumbling, cursing, gritting my teeth through the pain - learning as I go along.

In another chapter, I note that we are peanut butter people in a tofu world governed by Vulcans. Other chapters, with titles such as "When I First Knew I Was Different," and "Alone Against the World," recount the rigors of growing up on a planet I clearly did not belong on. Alas, I chose to stay.

Above is a picture of a UFO off the Kaikoura Coast of New Zealand in 1978. Yes, there were some rather convincing sitings. At the time, I was living a mere few hundred miles down the road in Dunedin. The aliens had returned to take me back to the planet of my birth, but of all things I opted to stay put. After all, how could I leave my four-month-old daughter?

If you are an earthling reading this, you will think I'm crazy. Anyone with a bipolar diagnosis will know exactly what I'm talking about.