My Boyfriend Left Me Because Of His Depression, How Do I Help Him?

Question

Asked by brittdb27

My Boyfriend Left Me Because Of His Depression, How Do I Help Him?

Recently my boyfriend ended our relationship claiming that he is still depressed and can't cope with putting me through that again and treating me poorly. He has pulled away within the last few months of our relationship, which has always been a sign of his when his depression returns. We have broken up multiple times and he always claims it's because he is unhappy with life and can't deal with the pressure of a relationship, but a few months later he wants me back. He orally recognized that I am his biggest supporter and knows he is messing up in doing this again, but needs to fix himself once and for all. He suggested on the night he broke up that we could try again once he is fixed. He often tells his mom that I'll be here daughter-in-law someday, and does the same to the rest of his family. I have suggested therapy, but he doesn't have the money at the time; I offered to pay, but he refused. I am debating on contacting his family, whom I am very close with, and trying to reach out and get their help on the matter. His depression stems from his parents' divorce about 2 years ago. His dad remarried 8 months after his divorce and is already expecting a child with his new wife--my now ex-boyfriend is an only child. Lately he has been having anxiety attacks, they come out of nowhere. Basically my question is, should I contact his family and/or attempt to get him into therapy without his knowledge of me paying for it?

Answer

You can try talking to his family but the bottom line is that it's not simply a matter of being "fixed." How does he think he'll get fixed if he refuses therapy? Depression can often be a long struggle and he needs to learn how to manage it, not withdraw every time it gets difficult. Focus on what YOU want and things will become clearer. This may be the way you will be living as long as you're with him if he doesn't get help. There is no magic fix, unfortunately. Do you believe you deserve better? You do. Doesn't mean you can't be compassionate but you have to figure out your limits. I wish you all the best. Keep us posted.