Do Bp Needs (Space) Time Alone.?

Question

Asked by diana

Do Bp Needs (Space) Time Alone.?

I'm wondering if the time I have given my husband to be alone due to his mania episodes is doing more damage then good to our marriage.? I've learnd thourgh out the yrs of being married to my husband with BP allowing him the time to be by himself can be a good thing cus he always comes back in a great mood, However his time being alone can sometimes be for days 1,2 or even 3 days where he'll sleep in the garage or on the floor besides our bed, I'm thinking the more time I leave him to himself the more time he'll want away from me there are times when he doesnt even acknowledge me doesn't say hi doesn't speak to me this cound go on for up to 3 days maybe even more I've never really counted but when you live in the same home and share the same room its tough to deal with that! . I'm begining to feel more like his sister and not his wife. Is it typical for those with bipolar to need or want that alone time..??

Answer

Hi, Diana. Short answer: Yes and no. The yes part:

People with BP and other mental illnesses often tend to find the world overwhelming at times. Too much thoughts, feelings, and sensory inputs coming in all at once. Too much to handle. If we don't have our chill times and time to ourselves times we are not going to do well. Even "normal" people need time out. Bipolars tend to need even more time to themselves.

Likewise, since bipolars can be too much to handle at times, it's often best that both partners get a break from each other.

The no part: But there are limits. Even when we need our time outs we need to abide by simple common courtesies. A number of things can be going on here with his extended strange behavior, but bipolar doesn't seem to be prominent here. What you are describing is a partner who seems to be opting out of the marriage. This may not be the case, but it is worth investigating the issue.

There are always clear warning signs when a relationship heads south. As a general rule, one partner tends to act strange, but the other partner seems to be in denial, thinking the strange behavior will somehow resolve. This is compounded by the fact that men can be very bad communicators. Unfortunately, when the point of no return is reached, at least one partner never saw it coming.

There are no simple answers to relationship issues, but I do suggest you treat this as a relationship issue rather than a bipolar issue. He needs to be communicating with you, and you need to insist on it. This also means you need to listen. For whatever reasons, he appears unhappy with the way things are, and you need to help him express that. Hopefully, things can be resolved. But often with relationships they can't.

But however it turns out, the two of you need to be talking. As I said, yes bipolars need their time outs. But they can't hide behind their illness forever.

Hope this helps ...