Last week I shared with you many different perspectives on ADHD in relationships and many experts shared their ideas on steps you can take to improve your relationship. Some of our experts also told me how ADHD can enhance a relationship and this week I would like to share their thoughts on this.
“Many times when ADD adults are not paying attention they are tuned into other people on a deeper level - it is a gift of interpersonal intuition. ADD adults can seem distracted when they are connected to you on an emotional level. They may be sensing what you feel or wondering what’s really bothering you, all the while not listening closely to your words. In addition, the ADD symptom of hyperactivity can also be seen as a surplus of energy. You will be guided to view your surplus energy as a valuable resource. Impulsivity can also been seen as a willingness to take risks. It can also be a need to create structure rather than follow structure. Impulsivity can also be seen as an authenticity, ADD adults are connected to their inner whims and urges and you will never be left wondering what they are really thinking, feeling or wanting to do. The lack of emotional control can also be seen as a capacity for emotional sensitivity and expression. Emotional intensity is a great gift that opens up the possibility of authentic relating, and deep passions to fuel your partnership. Now that you have seen how these symptoms can be translated into gifts, practice focusing on all of the gifts in your partner.”
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is the author of The Gift of ADHD and The Gift of Adult ADD. For more tips and tools about ADHD visit http://www.visionarysoul.com/. Sign up for Dr. Lara Honos-Webb’s free newsletter at http://www.visionarysoul.com/newsletter.html.
“I love looking at things from a positive perspective and believe that’s just as important in relationships. Anyone in a relationship should be in it because they are not only in love with their partner, but just as importantly, they are in the relationship because they ‘like’ their partner. ADHD has so many characteristics and many of them when well managed can be looked at from an optimistic and positive point of view. People with ADHD may be filled with enthusiastic energy, ready to go places and do things at the drop of a dime and this can be quite exciting for partners. A person with ADHD is likely to lead their partner into new and unusual experiences. When ADHD is well managed a relationship with an ADDer can be quite rewarding.”
Bryan Hutchinson is the author of three books in print about ADHD and five eBooks. He is also a well-known, respected blogger on the Internet and the founder of the ADHD Social Network wwwADDerWorld.ning.com
“The non-ADD partner might find the spontaneity and creative thinking refreshing if they are more linear in their cognitive styles. It can create excitement and novelty in the relationship.”
Terry Matlen, ACSW is a psychotherapist and consultant specializing in ADHD and the author of “Survival Tips for Women with ADHD.” She runs the sites www.ADDconsults.com and www.MomsWithADD.com
She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
"I believe ADHD can only enhance a relationship or marriage when partners are opposites of each other. In my case my husband is a very calm person and deals with stress better than I do. I am the total opposite of him and I get stressed easily. So we balance each other out. This also means the other person looks at a situation from a different perspective, a very helpful tactic when it comes to problem solving. In this type of relationship the ADHD partner enhances the relationship by bringing stimulation to the same day-to-day boring routine. I always tell my husband he is like a robot because this is the way I view him. He has his routine, a routine I could never keep up. So I throw a little change into that routine and spice it up. I often tell him “think of how bored you would be if you had not met me.”
Digna Dreibelbis Blog Link: http://autumnbluesreviews.blogspot.com/2011/02/complete-idiots-guide-to-adult-adhd.html
Eileen Bailey is a freelance health writer. She is the author of What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now, Idiot’s Guide to Adult ADHD, Idiot’s Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love, and Essential Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome. She can be found on Twitter @eileenmbailey and on Facebook at eileenmbailey.