I Cannot Go Back To School. :(
Asked by Jessxca
I Cannot Go Back To School. :(
Hi! My name is Jess and I am absolutely terrified of going back to school and I have no reason why! I'm 15 and in year 10. About 7 months ago I fainted during school. I faint 2 times a year usually so I wasn't too worried. When I felt good enough to go back to school a day later, I had this on going nausea feeling without ever throwing up. I thought I might have just had something like a bug or something wrong with my stomach. I was forced to go to school everyday which was okay since it was almost the end of the year. My parents kept telling me it was all in my head and it was just anxiety. I never thought it would be that. Even throughout the 6 week holidays I felt sick everyday! I thought it couldn't be school related because I didn't have to even think about school for a really long time! The sick feeling came with headaches as well. The headaches would never come at certain times but the nausea wouldn't stop. Even as soon as I woke up it would be there. I had blood tests done and other tests, I had been to doctors and everything came back as fine. The nausea would stop me from doing almost EVERYTHING so most of the time I would just sit in bed on my laptop all day. Not good. But even when I felt relaxed and like nothing could fear me, the nausea was still there. It causes me to chew on shirts and my hair. It's so gross but it's the only thing that calms me a little bit. When the holidays were over, I went to school for two days. Then I had the week off. The first week! I just felt so sick and I don't know why but the thought of school made it so much worse. I have no problems at school. No bullying or anything as such. Im quite smart and everything I do doesn't stress me out. I went week after week without going to school. I'd would say to myself 'just go tomorrow and skip a few days, then go back again.' I would really think about going to school on the days that would be the easiest. But then the morning before that day, I couldn't force myself to even get out of bed! Also, another day I eventually tried to go on was a day when we had swimming sports. It was my birthday and we didn't have any classes either so it should have been ok. But it wasn't. I felt sick the whole day and I started 'dry heaving' several times! (I also have a phobia of vomit!) Since then, I haven't been at school. I woke up one morning and starting crying to my parents telling them about how I school made me sick and all. They took me to see a teacher there and I had a chat to her. She recommended I'd go to a clinic thing I can't remember what they're called! I went but it didn't help. Now I've been getting the nausea, I'm on medication for it and it's sloely helping, no more headaches really but now I sometimes get cramp/stabbing pains in my chest and in the abdominal area? I've been to the doctors, they're not sure what it is. Mum thinks I could be lactose or something so I'm getting tests done for that. I might need an ultrasound aswell. But this morning was THE WORST. I was balling my eyes out all morning while my parents were getting mad and stressed which makes me feel guilty. I almost threw up again and they were physically getting me out of bed. I was almost yelling. It was so embarrassing for someone my age to do that.. I've been having small suicidal thoughts but I try to reassure myself that they're nothing big and I don't think I will try anything to hurt myself. Nobody knows about those and it's getting to me. I have to go to school tomorrow and I'm so worried. I can't go but the same thing as this morning will happen again if I dont. I can't get to sleep because I am constantly crying. I really need help but I don't know what to do. I've missed a month of school and I'm worried about repeating the year. If anyone has any advice or shares similar 'problems' I would greatly appreciate reading anything. - Jess xx
Jess, I am so sorry that you're having to go through this. Do you think you could ask your parents to take you to a psychologist for an evaluation? It could then be determined if you maybe need to see a psychiatrist for medication or if perhaps some kind of therapy would be helpful for the anxiety. I don't believe this is all in your head - even if it doesn't have a physical cause. Anxiety is a very real disorder and it sounds like you might be depressed, as well. I'm sorry you are having to go through all these tests - I know they're no fun. If your parents won't consent to take you to a mental health clinic, perhaps you could talk with a trusted teacher at school or guidance counselor. You should not have to suffer so long with this. I hope you will let us know if you are able to get your parents to take you. Let them read what I've written here. I know a lot of parents don't want to admit their kids might have a problem, but believe me, you are not alone. I have two grown sons who have gone through a lot, including a suicide attempt, and getting them help was critical. They are both glad for it. I will be interested in hearing how this works out for you. Have faith - you will find the help you need.