I Can't Orgasm Without Thinking Horrible Thoughts. Help!


Asked by blackorchid

I Can't Get Myself To Orgasm Without Thinking Horrible Thoughts I Want To Be Normal, Please Help Me.

I can only orgasm when I'm thinking violent thoughts (thoughts of rape, being beaten, humiliated, killed, etc) but I feel bad about myself afterwards. I am scared. I would do anything to be normal and I don't end up alone. What do I do?


Hi Blackorchid,

The brain plays a huge role in a woman's ability to orgasm, therefore, fantasy seems to be an important part of this process. While disturbing to a lot of women, fantasies about being raped, beaten, etc. are not necessarily abnormal. The fantasy is really about not being "in control" which actually "frees" you up to explore your sexuality.

Keep in mind that fantasies are not real, that while it may be exciting for some to imagine being raped, no one actually wants to be raped in the real world!

Women tend to gravitate toward the same fantasies that have worked for them in the past, which may explain why you keep returning to these particular fantasies. It may take some practice and patience to develop some new fantasies that are powerful enough to leard to orgasm, but it doesn't mean it can't be done! It also doesn't mean that you won't return to these fantasies from time to time either.

I hope that helps.


Jennifer L. Fee, Psy.D.

The Stress Masters

You should know: The answer above provides general health information that is not intended to replace medical advice or treatment recommendations from a qualified healthcare professional.