I'm Chronically Ill But My Husband Doesn't Support Me.

Question

Asked by LA

I'm Chronically Ill But My Husband Doesn't Support Me.

I'm new to your website. I'm chronically ill. I suffer from CVID, asthma, Addisons, fibromygia, depression, cervical spondylotic myelopathy, peripheral neueritis, arthritis, gerd, cystitis, etc.etc. and poor spelling. I am on medicare and was accepted as disabled five years ago. My husband gets angry when I stay in bed if I'm ill. No one brings me food or drink there. I'm in no way spoiled for being ill. I usually go without when I am very ill. Which thankfully is not too often these days. When I am able I do like to go and mess with horses and teach horseback lessons. Since I cannot be terribly dependable, I cannot build a business. Also, because of the economy some folk are out of work and I like to help the people and the horses when I can so I don't charge very much at all. It keeps me sane. It makes me feel valued and workthwhile.

Now the tire on my car is wearing out and I need to replace it soon. My husband says I need to go to work fulltime so I can replace it. This is not the only time he brings this up. He doesn't really believe I'm sick. He just thinks I'm on vacation, that all the pills and pain meds they give are what make me sick. I'm and addict. I should stay home all the time and pay all the bills with my social security money.

Sometimes I want to stop some of my meds and let nature take its course. I'm so tired of the guilt producing remarks about how I have taken so much away from the family. I did not ask for this. I have always tired to keep my medical expenses within my own income and I always had a little to add to the family expenses. I think he is an ass. I can't afford to go elsewhere. I wish I could. Anybody got any good comebacks?

Answer

Hi, LA. I'd agree, your husband does sound like an ass. Why do you think you couldn't afford to leave him? Are you on SSI? I'm pretty sure he'd have to give you some kind of monetary support. The only other thing I can think of is if you could get him to go with you to a couples therapist, which can do wonders for getting people to talk honestly with each other. Perhaps he's feeling overwhelmed or depressed about your health, but that's not an excuse for being mean-spirited and telling you that you need to get a full-time job to pay for a new tire. Do you have a therapist yourself, or someone in your life you can talk to about this, maybe even one of your doctors? I'm sure this all doesn't help you much.

Please write again and let us know how you're doing. I probably wasn't very helpful, but I can sympathize with you, at least. You don't need this treatment from him and if that's what your relationship consists of, is it worth it? You have to do what you think is best, of course, I'm just saying what it looks like to me from reading your question. Take care and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.