I Fear That I Might Be Developing Schizophrenia...
Asked by rich7791
I Fear That I Might Be Developing Schizophrenia...
Hi, guys. I have such a problem :/. It all started when I had a panic attack while on a halluinogen on spring break. The next week, I learned that my Dad was dying and I said my last goodbyes to him, and I was so emotional for a few days. Then, a few days later, while learning about schizophrenia in my college-level psychology class (I was a senior in high school, just graduated), I had a perceived panic attack thinking about schizophrenia. When I had the attack, I felt sweaty, nervous, shakey, and I told my friends in the class that I felt "really weird". They couldn't relate to the feeling I had, so I panicked and panicked, for about a week. I told myself that what was going on with me was schizophrenia. When I panicked, which lasted for probably about 2 weeks straight, I felt lost, like I couldn't talk, nervous and it was hard for me to function, I couldn't sit still. I felt almost like a chemical was rushing through my body, like I was changing chemically due to all of the panic. I finally confronted my Dad, who was home from the hospital by some miracle. He said I was in no way schizophrenic, he had friends that were schizophrenic and that I was in no way schizophrenic. I calmed down for about a week, I didn't think about it at all and I felt like I had come back down to earth. I felt AWESOME for a week until I was in the shower a week later and I had a thought, out of nowhere, "What if I am crazy?". I instantly panicked about it. And it was worse than before, and this time, it didn't go away. Since it came back, I began to research schizophrenia, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, brain tumors, PTSD, epilepsy, strokes, etc. For each day, I was convinced that I had each of these, and then I got over all of them except for schizophrenia. I was still convinced that, for some reason, I had it, or I was developing it. I seriously convinced myself. I honestly believed it. I knew it was time for help. I went and saw my doctor, and explained everything and he said it was anxiety and he recommended me to a psychologist and prescribed me with an SRRI. The doctor assured me that in no way was I schizophrenic. I went and saw the psychologist and he said it was anxiety, and in no way was I schizophrenic. I also just recently saw a psychiatrist and she thinks that I do not have schizophrenia and that I have OCD, panic disorder, and a bit of depression. I kept on researching the early onset symptoms of schizophrenia, the medications of schizophrenia, videos of people with the disease, why it is developed and etc. I am still convinced that I have schizophrenia. I haven't had any hallucinations whatsoever, but I do have nightmares and vivid dreams. I have had nightmares of doctors telling me that I am schizophrenic. I used to workout 5x/week and now I do not workout at all. I feel like I am truely losing my mind. Althought it has kind of tapered off lately, I went about 3 weeks with checking every sound I heard, checking everything I saw, etc. If I saw a car pass out of the corner of my eye, I would rush to make sure it was a car and not a hallucination. If I heard a cop car flying by, I would ask my Dad if he heard that. I had a memory glitch a couple of weeks ago, and I thought to myself, oh my lord, my memory is going, I'm being schizophrenic. All I can think about lately is telling myself that I feel so stupid lately, my memory is bad lately, I am becoming schizophrenic. Now, my memory is fine, but I continue to tell myself that. Today, I was sorting through the groceries and I thought, okay, these need to go outside, and then I had an intrusive thought, saying, but what is outside? Another recent thing that I CANNOT stop thinking about along with schizophrenia to save my life, is asking myself how humans work. I always ask myself, how do humans work? What attracts us to others? How do I know who I love? What if all of this is just a hallucination? and the thoughts create so much anxiety for me. I get scared because I don't know how to answer them. I also haven't been eating lately because I fear that I might have "pica" which is where people have cravings for unusual things such as glass or feces. I also tell myself that I don't know how to do simple everyday things, even though I do know. I have thoughts telling me that I don't know how to use the restroom, that I don't know how to drive and that I don't know how to manufacture meals for myself. All of this started because of the stupid psychology class, I honestly think that I would be fine if I never learned about it. What do you think this could be guys? I'm so scared that I'm on a one way road that I can't turn around. I've felt so stupid lately and I feel like I have barely enough knowledge to get dressed properly in the morning. Like, sometimes, I will be getting gas and feel retarded like I don't know how to function. I feel like I am losing control and I have to report to college in exactly one month, and play college football. I used to be so social, loving, not worried, level headed and just a great person. I was a football captain, best writer in my class, class clown, and now I feel like I am nothing. Now it seems like I don't even know how to get dressed in the morning, I feel like I am losing control of my brain, I feel so stupid lately, and I believe my memory is depelting. I desperately need advice.
Your question about what is happening I have read carefully and I understand you are possibly under stress with your Dad's health and maybe other things.
At this point I want to tell you in no uncertain terms to stop taking any street drugs. Street drugs like marijuana, meth and hallucinogens can cause psychosis and the lingering effects of the street drugs can be permanent.
I would if I were you talk to a professional. I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose your problem. However, I can tell you that if you want peace of mind, please talk to a professional before this gets out of control. You are in college and mentioned doing drugs on spring break so that leads me to believe you are 18 or 19 or in your early twenties, a time of life when illnesses like SZ tend to strike.
If the professional you saw does not think you have SZ, please put your mind at rest. There are other medical conditions for which SSRIs like Zoloft and Paxil are used, like generalized anxiety disorder as well as depression.
Before I sign off, I will suggest you try your best to remain active in the world, take showers, eat good meals, see your friends, work at a job or volunteer work, join the football team again. This kind of a personal history, which is technically called a "premorbid functioning" level helps a person greatly should they go on to develop mental health problems in the future.
Not to make light of your situation, but even doctors studying in medical school panic when they learn about diseases and think they could have the condition they're studying about.
If a doctor has given you a diagnosis and you're unsure about it, you can always get a second opinion. To me it seems you have some kind of anxiety going on. Yet like I said, I can't diagnose what's going on or prescribe treatment.
When you return to school, you may want to go to the student health center at your college to see about talking with a therapist in a weekly or monthly session. You are young, going through a lot of changes as you become an adult [as we all did when we were young] and a therapist could give you support for what you feel and what you're going through.
I hope you find some comfort and relief.