Herpes And A Lesbian Relationship?

Question

Asked by Nancy

Herpes And A Lesbian Relationship?

I know that a relationship is a relationship but I also know that a lesbian relationship has its own issues, are there an specific issues/concerns I need to be aware of when you are in a new lesbian relationship and your partner has just told you she has herpes, how she got it, how angry she still is, how very concerned she is about my welfare, how she wants to keep me safe and all that goes with this new topic in our lives? I know that is a mouthful of questions, not asked in a very straight forward manner but the questions are out there, some may be common sense but today I have so much going through my mind since my partner just told me last night. I care for this person so very much and I am trying to wrap my head around about being in a lesbian relationship and now herpes. I am trying to deal with both issues and want to be the best partner possible and really make this work, can you please help, if possible, with these issues? Thank you

Answer

First of all I am incredibly respectiful of the fact that your partner was willing to be honest and forthright - knowing that the information she was giving you could strongly influence how you proceed (or don't proceed) with the relationship. You are especially vulnerable because it sounds like you are really grappling with the lesbian aspect and then the herpes as an added factor.

That being said, having a lesbian releationship that involves oral sex means you are at risk - since unlike a man - you don't have a condom option for protection. This might be a strong reason for your partner to consider daily Valtrex - which does help to reduce the risk of her exposing you to herpes - but you need to realize that even if she takes Valtrex - it is not 100% assurance of not spreading herpes - it just lowers the risk considerably, as long as she watches for recurrences and you abstain from oral sex during the obvious period of a recurrence.

You have a lot of issues to think about - but at least you are better informed as you grapple with these decisions. Good luck.

Answered by Amy Hendel, P.A.