How Insomnia Affects Your Sex Life

by Martin Reed Patient Advocate

If you deal with insomnia you already know that it can negatively impact your life. Going without sleep takes a toll on your mental and physical health. But what is often not talked about though is how insomnia can wreak havoc on your sex life. If you are dealing with long-term insomnia and your libido has taken a nose dive, it can cause serious problems in your relationship.

Insomnia results in low energy, fatigue, and a feeling of sleepiness. It can even heighten feelings of anxiety and cause depression. When you are sleep deprived the last things that come to mind are generally those which expend physical or mental energy – and sex does both. Your normal sex life with your partner can become a thing of the past. Also, you can kiss sexual spontaneity goodbye as those feelings generally become a distant memory.

Even though only part of a couple may deal with insomnia, it ends up impacting both individuals. One person’s restlessness, tossing and turning, and inability to sleep can keep both parties from sleeping. In severe cases it can actually cause couples to sleep in separate bedrooms. Having separate sleeping quarters can kill sexual and emotional intimacy.

Insomnia becomes your new bed partner. It doesn’t just leave when morning comes either. It is a stalker than can follow you around all day long. It makes its presence known as you deal with tiredness, the inability to concentrate, and it can take your enthusiasm away for things you once enjoyed because you just don’t have the energy for them anymore. Essentially, insomnia takes over your life.

The feelings of closeness, playfulness and sexual attraction you once experienced as a couple (inside and outside of the bedroom) may be replaced with irritability and resentments. One partner may feel helpless to rid themselves of the insomnia, the other partner may feel unimportant and cast aside.

The longer this cycle is allowed to continue, the more damage it is doing to your relationship.

No one chooses to deal with insomnia. However, you do have the choice as to whether you are going to give it a position of power in your life. You may think that you can tough it out and that it will eventually pass. But what is the cost to you to keep this mindset in place? Sometimes it isn’t until an insomniac realizes the negative impact their inability to sleep has caused to their relationships that they seek help.

If you are like most people, your relationships are the heart and soul of your life. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you are the only one being impacted by insomnia’s presence. Don’t let it come into your life and take up a long term position. Seek help for your sleep problems. Do what is necessary to preserve and protect your mental and physical health, as well as your relationships and sex life.

Martin is the creator of Insomnia Land’s free two week insomnia sleep training course. His course will help you identify the issues that are harming your sleep and teach you how to fix them. Over 3,000 insomniacs have completed his course and 96 percent of graduates say they would recommend it to a friend.

Martin Reed
Meet Our Writer
Martin Reed

Martin is the creator of Insomnia Coach, an eight-week course that combines online sleep education with individual sleep coaching. His course helps clients improve their sleep so they can enjoy a better life with more energy and start each day feeling happy, healthy, rested, and refreshed. Martin also runs a free sleep training course that has helped over 5,000 insomniacs. He holds a master’s degree in health and wellness education and studied clinical sleep health at the University of Delaware.