My Husband Had A Psychotic Episode And Was Hostile To Me. No I Am A Bad Guy For Leaving. Help!

Question

Asked by Mici88

My Husband Had A Psychotic Episode And Was Hostile To Me. No I Am A Bad Guy For Leaving. Help!

Hello, This is my first time ever on this website. I have been married to my husband for 2 years now. We got merried kinda fast (only after 1 year of knowing each other). Recently, my husband had a psychotic episode and was hospitalized. He hd never had anything like this happen to him before, and the dr suspected it was due to marijuana abuse (he tested positive). I never suspected he was using it, and I asked him about his attitude towareds it several time during our relationship, and he was always denying everything. Anyways, i was extremely hurt about his lying. He was put on anty-psychotics and insomnia pills. He got out of the hospital after being there for almost 3 weeks. After 2 weeks, he started telling me he is very depressed, he heard voices in his head urging him to grab a knife, or to hurt himself. One day, he started telling me he didnt want to be with me and that he was in love with someone else. The situation only got worse from there, and it got to a point where he didn't even want to be in the same house as me. He had another episode and his family made me call the police on him because they were scared. He even got physical with his dad and I am sure that he would have gotten into it with me to, had I entered the room he was in. After that, he was hospitalized again, and for over a month, he didn't want to hear about me. His family was urging me to go home( I am from Europe and have no one here but him), they were telling me how they were scared he might hurt me etc. I had to leave the house where we lived together and find a new place because he refused to see me. Now, after almost 3 months, he decided he wanted to see me and wants the things to be back to where they were. I went through a very hard time emotionally and mentally while all this was happening, I couldn't understand why he was acting like that with me, I was completely alone. Now, his family expects me to forget it all, they say he was not himself (which I am aware of). that I took it all too seriously and they forget that they were the ones who were telling me that being around him was not safe. i refuse to go back and go through this again, as he is still on anti-psychotics, and his family keeps blaming me for his drug abuse, saying that he used it because I was pressuring him too much to find a full-time job. They say its all my fault and that I never loved him, that I am a terrible person who rejected him, that I am looking for excuses and that I left him when he needed me the most. I am very scared, I have no one here and their accusations are putting so much pressure and pain on me, because I have loved my husband from the day 1, but I am just traumatized by everything that happened and I cannot live my life like that. How can I stand up to his family, I feel so helpless and in such a tough spot? PS. I should mention he was diagnosed with ADD as a child.

Answer

Your obligations to another person can only go so far and if you are scared then it sounds as like they have gone far enough. Things can never go back to the way they were and if they did you would be starting the cycle over again with a person who isn't trustworthy.

People who don't have to live with the issues you are exposed to will often tone them down, especially if it means they may have to take on extra responsibilities. It seems to me, from what you say, you have done the best thing for yourself.

Looking for stability in an unstable relationship is stressful at the best of times but if fear is added to the mix I can't see much room for progress.