Immigration And The Isolation And Depression That Comes With It.

Question

Asked by abeautifulsoul

Immigration And The Isolation And Depression That Comes With It.

I am in the process of immigration. We decided to move to where my spouse is from, and I left my family behind, thinking it would be a relatively painless process. So here I am two years later, unable to work, vote or even visit my family who have never met my my son (now 2). I feel so isolated, its hard for me to get out and make friends because I have had my little one and I can't drive until I have officially immigrated. I cannot work, I can't take up courses. I have no one to talk to, and the country still has not even reviewed my application for residency. Everyday I grow more tired of waiting, my outlook grows more and more negative. I just want my life to move forward but I am on someone else s time. I feel like my life is on pause. I have emotional outbursts after a while, because I try to keep everything happy seeming for my son. I cannot get therapy because we are a young family with little money and i don't get health care rights until I get approves as a resident.I try to talk to my spouse but it always ends in me crying hysterically after we have a huge fight,and leaves me feeling even more alone and isolated because he doesn't get it. He is a good guy but he has a hard time believing PMS is real much less depression and anxiety to the level i get it. When asked to do simple things sometimes i just stress out for no reason. With all these unpleasant, and for me ,uncontrollable, outbursts my spouse is telling me its not good for our son, That he will suffer, and I know that is true but it makes me feel like I am not worth anything, and that no one cares about what I am going through. If it weren't for my son I would feel like giving up completely. I only wake up everyday for him, to not miss out on a day with him, but what I really feel like doing is sleeping until the day the government says I can hit the unpause button on my life. The worst part is that I used to be a vivacious, confident, fun, happy person and I feel like I am loosing her forever, that I won't ever get her back and that instead i will be this morose monster I have become.

Answer

Hi, there. I can certainly understand why you would feel depressed right now. It seems like the biggest stressor is feeling like you have no control over your life and perhaps, right now, that's true. Have you made any friends at all where you are now? Could you find some other women who stay at home with their children that you could get together with at all? I do feel for you not being able to get help under the circumstances, but it sounds like eventually, things should work out but you just don't know when.

Maybe some day, when your husband is in a good mood, you could try to talk to him a little more about how you feel and perhaps let him know what things he could do that could help you until your circumstances change. You can also agree to maybe help him in some way if he will talk about that. I know that lack of communications is one of the biggest problems for couples and when you start to break down the barriers and misunderstandings, it can be amazing how different you feel.

I wish you all the best and hope you will feel free to write again here, perhaps write a sharepost if you like. There are a lot of folks who are good listeners here and will help where they can. Take care, and do remember that your son will benefit greatly from whatever you can do to make things better for yourself and your husband. And I don't mean it's all your responsibility, of course. This is a bad time but there will be an end, so hang in there.