My Lovable Boyfriend Of 3 Years Got Real Angry And Broke Up With Me.

Question

Asked by Kelsey White

My Lovable Boyfriend Of 3 Years Got Real Angry And Broke Up With Me.

My lovable boyfriend of 3 years got real angry and broke up with me. We moved in and moved out together. Recently we fought a lot for little reasons, i tried to calm but he kept saying stuffs for me to say something back that what he was thinking is not true, and that lead him thinking i always have excuses for myself, and that i'm always the right one. I tried to explained but he said he is too tired of me and my attitudes (because of my loud voice). He left and moved back to his mom's house and 3 days later he came and tell me that he won't want to "try" nor "work" this relationship with me anymore. I know he still loves me very much, but he is just so angry to face with me right now. People tell me to do the "no contact" thing, but im afraid it won't work because the number of times we fought before was also about me was so busy at work, did not text him tell him that i love him. He is a very sweet person and a loving kind. It is my fault that i get raged to fast when we talk. I said sorry and kept texting him, and he told me to stop, and leave him alone. Before when i do left him alone, he would be more upset and tell me why did i, i should have hug him. But it seems like all those won't work anymore. I really want him back, fix my problem and make him happy and turn him back to normal like before. We been in love for this long, and we both love each other and had been super faithful to each other. I don't believe a loving kind of person would want to end in this cruelty way. Yes he is very emotional. Please help, don't judge. and don't tell me to move on, because it won't work. ps: he cried before he left, i cried and beg but didn't work, he left anyway. The day he came to say broke up, he said he dont want to cry anymore. I did not know those little fights would hurt him that much, i let them go as we finished but he kept it, and added up. What should i do to make him calm and happy without me scaring him off, and want to come back to me? I felt like an butthole after he told me the reason why he broken up, but i really want to fix it, and change myself. but i also need him to be around so he can see it.

Answer

Kelsey, I know you don't want to hear this, but this guy sounds very controlling - nothing you do is ever the right thing. Re-read what you wrote here. Unless something happens to change him (like recognizing this in himself), things aren't going to get better with time. This controlling behavior can lead to abuse - this already sounds like a form of emotional abuse. There is nothing you can do to change him and you should not have to walk on eggshells all the time. Believe me, that is no way to live and you will end up resenting him down the road, should you stay together. He has anger issues and God only knows what they stem from. Abusers can be very sweet people at times, so his loving behavior does not mean that he's really not abusive. He may be doing you a favor by breaking up with you. He's blaming everything on you - does that make sense? I think you should run and save yourself while you can. I'm sure that sounds harsh and I don't mean to be, but it kind of scares me to read about how he treats you.

Let us know how else we can help. I wish I could tell you something better, but I don't see it at this point. Take care.