Meeting New People When Depressed And Suffer From Anxiety


Asked by Hope

Meeting New People When Depressed And Suffer From Anxiety

Hi I have been on meds and getting therapy for a while.One thing I notice is that I Isolate myself and see no people much of the time. I have learned from my therapist and this site that you should try and get out there and do things even if you do not feel like it.I am a 46 year old male ans single. I have had the chance to meet new people to date or possibly be friends. Sometimes i will set something up and cancel it before the date. I was excited at the prospect of meeting someone but at the last minute i chicken out. My excuses to my self. I am tired,whats if the person does not like me,This feels scary,lets put this off till another day which never comes.After i cancel i feel much worse. I say to myself your never going to meet anybody,your a loser,your lazy,your worthless,on and on.You have come up with some good ideas about talking back to the negative voices. Do you have any ideas about going on the date. How to follow through and not cancel. I feel terrible when i cancel. Sometimes i raise the event to such a level that my anxiety over takes me. I have been alone for a long time and i am reaching out to meet someone. I feel this would be a good thing for me if i could do it.Any suggestions on how to lower the anxiety,self talk,This could be the first thing to stop isolating myself.Also i will say the house is not clean enough many excuses. Any advice would be appreciated .Thanks


Hi Hope

You are really working so hard on your personal is good to see.

Yeah can be very scary...meeting new people and getting out. Maybe you feel like they will judge you? But you know what? They may be just as scared as you are. They may be riddled with the same self doubts. You might assume everyone else but you has it together but not so. Everyone gets nervous and feels worried about how it will go.

Maybe take the pressure off by not calling it a date. Call it a get together. Go somewhere briefly...make it time limited. Say...hey...I have time for a cup of coffee and a chat for an hour. Something like that?

What is the worst case scenario you can think of? What are your greatest fears about going out? I think if you logically review those worst case will find that they probably will never come true.

I feel that you give others way too much power...bring that power back to you. Instead of worrying what someone else will think of you...why not think to yourself, "I want to try this and see if I like it.

Also...what would it be like to tell the other person that you suffer from a bit of anxiety. I bet you will find the response not as bad as you might think.

You can do this!

I truly think you are right on the brink of so much growth. I can see you blooming from here.

Please tell us how things go. I wish you much luck on your adventures.

Answered by Merely Me