Should I Move On From My Depressed Ex?

Question

Asked by PrettyMel

Should I Move On From My Depressed Ex?

My boyfriend broke up with me, saying he was depressed and didn't know what he wanted and needed time to figure things out. He said we may get back together in the future or that we might not. I don't want to wait around for someone who doesn't want to be with me, but I also don't want to abandon a relationship that's only ended because of depression. What should I do?

Answer

Hi -

I would just add to what's been discussed so far that depression shows itself in a lot of ways. Over a lifetime of dealing with it, I've gone through periods of feeling angry, despondent and indifferent. Sometimes, I couldn't feel much emotion at all but still knew everything was going wrong. I could at the same time blame my wife and our relationship for my own hurt - and get very angry and irritable - and be completely unavailable as if I'd never felt anything for her. At those times, I could also reach out to other people, imagining - or fantasizing - that being with them could take the depression away. I did not seek help because I didn't think I needed it - I could blame the problem on someone else.

Of course, I can't say what you're ex is going through or what you feel, but men do pretty strange things when it comes to depression and deep feelings of any sort. But that's never an excuse for hurting the person they've been closest to - often they only wake up to the damage they've caused when it's too late. You're wise to look after yourself first and not wait on him and his feelings. That's the best thing you can do.

John