If you’re a woman, or if you have sex with one, you’ll know that it’s hard for many of us to have even one orgasm. When it comes to orgasms, many women are late bloomers and in contrast to men, it can take us a while to reach this holy grail of sex. Though we may be tortoises rather than hares when it comes to the big “O,” women have it over men in at least one area: multiple orgasms.
“All women are [physiologically] capable of having multiple orgasms,” says Barbara Bartlik, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, NY. So why aren’t more women keeping their neighbors awake at night with their moans of pleasure?
“Women, and their partners, don’t usually try to have multiple orgasms,” says Bartlik. And why aren’t women trying? Bartlik chalks it up to no time and no desire. “These days, people are very busy and they just don’t have time for sex. When they do have time for sex, they don’t have the energy to work for more than one orgasm,” she says. They may also feel greedy about looking for a second or third orgasm. It feels like asking for a second or third slice of birthday cake.
“Many women [are] comfortable and satisfied with one orgasm, and they don’t want to try for more,” says Bartlik, who adds, “Instead of thinking about multiple orgasms as an embarrassment of riches, why not think of them as making up for lost time?”
What is a Multiple Orgasm? Multiple orgasms are a series of sequential orgasmic experiences that occur in quick succession. And when it comes to multiples, women have the biological upper hand over men. This is because unlike men, women don’t experience a refractory period (the period of time after men ejaculate when they can’t be aroused). So women can and do respond immediately after orgasm to more (or hopefully continuous) clitoral, vaginal, and G-spot (that small, raised bump of urethral tissue just inside your vagina along its front wall) stimulation.
Sign Me Up! According to Bartlik, women can “teach” themselves to have multiple orgasms. Here’s how you can up your chances of having multiples.
Learn your body. You have to crawl before you walk; you have to have one orgasm before you can have multiple orgasms. Get to know your body’s hot spots and not-spots. This is the essential foundation to sexual response.
Practice. It takes practice (both by yourself and with your partner) to achieve multiple orgasms. It’s sort of like learning to have your first orgasm. You have to immerse yourself in fantasy, or do whatever it takes to get you aroused, and you have to use lots of lubrication so that you can keep trying for more orgasms by stimulating all of your genital area, while focusing your attention to your clitoris, vagina, and G-spot.
Slow down, and use lots of foreplay, especially foreplay that focuses on clitoral stimulation.
Get some rest beforehand. Often, experiencing multiples is limited by your lack of sleep. After one orgasm, many women feel relaxed. So relaxed, that they may want to drift off to sleep. But if you are well rested, you can resist that sleep temptation, and work for another orgasm, and another, and another.
After the first orgasm, the orgasms “come” easier. It might take10 to 15 minutes to reach your first orgasm, but your second can occur in as little as five minutes, and your third in only two minutes. Keep going as long as you’re having fun.
Female Ejaculatory Orgasm Priming yourself to have multiple orgasms may also prime you for experiencing an ejaculatory orgasm, that almost mythical female sexual phenomenon. Because all of the erectile tissue in your genital area, including your G-spot and clitoris, is already swollen and more sensitive from having been stimulated to orgasm, you may be better able to achieve ejaculation.
Yep, you read that sentence correctly. Although it’s not well known, many women, like men, can ejaculate.
Most women who experience ejaculation do so through direct stimulation of their G-spot, though some women also experience ejaculation through stimulation of their clitoris. Basically, when a woman’s G-spot is directly stimulated, it can cause a pleasurable sensation and eventually an expulsion of fluid , either in drips or gushes, from your urethra. The ejaculate fluid isn’t urine, rather it’s a liquid produced and released from the paraurethral glands (surrounding the urethra). So don’t worry – unless you’re fooling around on silk sheets, you’ve got nothing to worry about!