My Depression Connection Question of the Week!

Community Member


Is it Tuesday already?

Time for another question of the week.

But before I do...on Monday we began experiencing some strange goings on with the site...comments not showing and some posts not showing.   Now is it just me or does this always seem to happen on weekends or holidays?   But the problems seem very selective.   One might think we have gremlins.

I have reported the problems to my producer who is passing along the information to the tech people.   So we will see what happens.   If you are experiencing any technical problems on this site please let me know about it.

If you have not been over to Anxiety Connection why not pop on over?   I just wrote a post about anxiety related overeating.   I know about this firsthand.   I am trying to do something about it but it sure is a long slow process.   I would love for members to talk about their experience with this and if possible...give some suggestions as to how to stop feeding our anxiety.

And now for a preface to my question of the week...

There are whole books devoted to learning to defend oneself against verbal abuse such as, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" or "The Complete Idiots Guide to Verbal Self Defense" by Lillian Glass.   Why are such books written?   That's a no brainer.   Because as one astute young student I once talked to said, "People can be mean."   Ain't that the truth?

I am sure you all remember bullies from school...and the thing doesn't end there.   Bullies grow up to be parents, bosses, a friend, or a spouse.   But perhaps unlike the school yard where you could dodge a punch sometimes it is difficult to dodge a verbal attack.

Many verbal attacks are not upfront.   They are indirect.   It may be done behind your back.   Or the attack may come with a smile.   The attack may be disguised in a compliment. The put down, insult or verbal assault may come from someone you think is your friend or someone you want to trust. You may doubt yourself and ask, "Did they just zing me?"   And then when the shock is worn off you trust your gut to say..."Yeah they just did."

I believe that for some is such a way of life for them that slicing and dicing people is just their thing and they don't think twice about it.   Yet it causes such irreparable harm.   It creates distrust, animosity, disrespect, and ultimately destroys relationships.   And for the receiver of verbal diminishes self esteem and just adds onto any already existing depression.

My take on it is that it is cowardly and easy for someone to cut you up behind your back or indirectly.   Not so easy to own it, take responsibility, and say something directly.   A whole lot of problems in this world would be resolved by direct communication.

My question for you today is:

**How do you deal with verbal put downs, insults and personal jabs?   And how do you deal with them when they are indirect or come from someone close to you?  **

I look forward to hearing your answers.   We can learn a lot from each other here.