How Do I Get Over A One Night Stand That Has Put Me Into A 4 Month (And Counting) Depression?

Question

Asked by ww555

How Do I Get Over A One Night Stand That Has Put Me Into A 4 Month (And Counting) Depression?

4 month ago I went on a date with a guy I met on a dating website (I was looking for a potential long term relationship). We met outside at night (still light out, it was summer), then went to a restaurant that was kind of dimly lit. We were having a great time with one another. He complimented my looks numerous times, etc.. We were also drinking a bit. We each had about 3 drinks (I weigh 20 lbs less than he did). As we were leaving he asked to go back to my place. I said to walk around instead, and we did. Then he started coming onto me aside a building, I kept walking. I said I wanted to go home by the subway and we could talk while the train came to get to know each other better. He said to just take a cab. We got into the cab and he comes up close to me rubbing my leg asking to go back to my place. Eventually I gave in. I was very attracted and intoxicated. We hooked up, and immediately after he pretends like he has no free time. Later he said I was too needy and judgmental/demanding...and that the hookup was a mistake because he was "drunk and attracted and didn't realize how incompatible we were until I started mentioning to hang out again and calling/texting a lot", and that we are completely incompatible and never wants to date me, all of which I feel were excuses for using me. His demeanor started happy/energetic/attractive, then progressed to a mean personality. He mocked me at my apartment and insulted me as well after we hooked up. I have had dysthymia for 15 years about. I've been ruminating about this every day for 4 months and cannot get past it. I go to therapy every week as well. I feel like I will never meet someone as attractive physically that will like me, and that I was just his ugly "mistake", which is ridiculous since he was well aware of what I looked like, "drunk" or not. I feel like I am ugly and undesirable...even though I am constantly complimented by strangers, friends, random acquaintances, etc.. It makes no difference to me. Any thoughts on getting over this? It's put me into a depressive episode for the last 4 months now.

Answer

I think it's very understandable that you would be depressed after something like this, when you're dealing with some degree of depression on a regular basis, anyway. I agree with Donna about trying to look at it as a lesson learned. It doesn't mean you're stupid or ugly or any of those things. You're probably feeling somewhat used and betrayed. Hopefully, you're working on this in therapy but I know first-hand that when you have bad self-esteem issues, it takes a while to get through it. Maybe the next time you meet someone online, it would be safer to go to a coffee shop or somewhere that doesn't serve alcohol so that you don't have to worry about this happening again. I'm sure many of us have done things while drinking that we wished we hadn't - I know I have!

Hope you can feel better about this and put it behind you - there are certainly much nicer guys out there but you can't always tell from a first date.