My Partner Is Suffering From Depression But He Won't Admit It,how Do I Get Him To Admit It?

Question

Asked by Mishka

My Partner Is Suffering From Depression But He Won't Admit It,how Do I Get Him To Admit It?

My partner and i recently found out i was pregnant, at first he was excited then soon after he became very very closed off and depressed, he keeps pushing me away and see's no positives in his life. He has become very hostile and i keep feeling like im walking on egg shells because of his sudden mood swings. Everytime i raise the subject of depression he just shuts down and gets very angry. I dont know how to get him to admit that he may be suffering from depression. I am desperatly trying to save my relationship and my future family but everyday becomes harder and harder to hold onto him. He has convinced himself that i would be better off with someone else. Please help i dont know what to do.

Regards

Extremely Stressed

Answer

Hey Mishka

This is a tough role for you to be in, indeed. You care and want to help but you don't know how. And he is not wanting to hear about depression. It has been my humble experience (I am not a psychologist or doctor) that everyone experiences depression in their own unique way. More so...men may experience depression in a very different way than women.

I am not sure how much you would be into reading a book about this topic but I did find an excellent book out there specifically addressing what you are going through. The book is called: "Is he depressed or what? What to do when the man you love is irritable, moody, and withdrawn" and it is written by David B. Wexler, PH.D. The author gives very detailed and in my opinion...great advice about how to handle when your guy is having such difficulties.

I will just give you a blurb from the book. In Chapter three the author describes how to connect with a guy suffering from depression and makes this statement:

"So even though the man in your life is depressed, he may not allow himself to admit it. There are two main factors that join forces to create this condition: the first is that many men do not recognize their feelings well, and the second is that men have trouble admitting to anything smacking of weakness. And depression is associated with weakness."

I think regardless of gender...everyone can have a tough time saying that they are depressed. As we all know, depression is NOT a weakness but a lot of people still might feel that way. It is really hard to admit that we need help.

One suggestion offered in this book is to call depression something else. Perhaps calling it stress may be more acceptable for him to listen. The larger goal is not to get him to say he is depressed but to help him to take positive action which will help him, you, and your relationship.

You can be of emotional assistance to your partner by making sure that he understands that you are proud of him, that you still love him despite his distress right now. He has to feel that he will not be judged or feel less masculine for sharing his feelings with you.

Remember that all men are different in how they deal with their feelings and depression. There is no one right answer. You know your guy the best. I would say acceptance is key in trying to help anyone regardless of gender.

I hope things get better for you and your partner. Please let us know how things go for you.