Did Partner's Depression Cause Our Breakup?

Question

Asked by cat

Did Partner's Depression Cause Our Breakup?

My boyfriend ended our relationship last night, and I am wondering if depression was the cause of our breakup. He believes he is a burden to me and my affection for him fills him with a sense of guilt. He has recently voiced concerns that he may have depression, and he is isolating himself from not only me, but from his other friends as well.

I have asked him to seek help for how he is feeling. I really feel that him ending the relationship is not him talking but rather his depression. Would it be wrong to contact him in a few weeks, maybe by email, just to see if he's feeling better?

Answer

I'm a man who's been through severe depression and constantly withdrew from the love of my wife. She and I managed to come through it, but it was the hardest thing either of us ever had to do. Cutting off from everyone, especially those closest to you, is the classic trap of depression. Sufferers thinks they will be better if they can be alone or if they just try to start a new life, but it doesn't work that way. It just deepens the problem.

Your boyfriend has to make the decision to get help, and, as someone else said in response to your post, this is about him, not you.  People in this state often feel there is a monster inside them or something else really bad that will hurt anyone who's close to them, they they push others away. That's an insidious part of depression.

I think it's good to let him know you're still there, but it's unhealthy for you to start torturing yourself about whether you're doing the right thing or not. Please do take care of yourself and your own needs.

Here are some links that might be useful to you as you go through this process.

Overview of Major Depression

Video: Depression Facts

Ways to Help Someone With Depression