My Son Committed Suicide Last Week

Question

Asked by Cheri

My Son Committed Suicide Last Week

This is not a question - just a tragedy. I posted a question back in October 2008. I knew that my son was suffering from Schizophrenia at this point but I lived in a different state from him. I received answers from this site but no one really read what I wrote. You see I tried to be my son's friend, I never told him I thought he was schizophrenic - I told him I thought he was depressed. A few years ago he had gone for treatment for depression, and I had done so myself, so I did not think it was so horrible to say that to him. I took the NAMI course. I've followed the advice of waiting for him to trust me again. He would not talk to me on the phone since I had visited him which was in September. I would text or leave messages several times a week just to say I love you, or tell him something that I was doing. His father and step-mother knew he was ill but did not confront him but they knew of the hallucinations and delusions he was having. In the state that my son lived in it would take 2 people to say that they heard this to have him committed. I didn't have the 2nd person. I wish I would have lied and said he was suicidal. His dad and I did ask him in September if he thought about that and he said he would never do it - it was too easy a way out. Yet now I find out he told a friend - the only friend he had - that he wanted to commit suicide several times. The day before he killed himself he told her but she told no one thinking he was just saying it again. I know that my son is at peace now, I know all the things I am supposed to be doing but I don't know how to go on myself. I feel I failed my child. If there is anything I learned it is that if you feel something in your heart that you need to do - just do it. I wish I would have just gone back to see him and hugged him and stayed with him until I could get him help. There is not a perfect way to handle someone with schizophrenia that is in denial - no one has that answer.

Answer

Dear Cheri,

I am sorry about your son.

I'm sure no words could express this adequately.

You are grieving and you feel you could've reached out to him more.

It is a loss no mother should ever have to bear.

I would try to let know you that you couldn't have predicted what would happen, no one could. As hard as it is to go on, you will go on.

The rules for committing a person to a psych hospital are in much need of changing when the actually "rule" is that it's hard to commit person who could need help.

This gives me the idea that working to change those rules is a priority for mental health advocacy.

I am sorry about your son and offer you my prayers.

Respectfully,

Christina

Answered by Christina Bruni