So it has been a few weeks since my mastectomy and I’m starting to feel a little better. I have finally accepted seeing myself without my breast, its pretty weird at first. I actually felt like I didn’t want to go anywhere until I get my reconstruction. I have to have 6 weeks of radiation and a wait of 6 months before I can have my reconstruction and that to me sounds like forever.
Even though it is not visible to others inside, I feel like everyone knows and they are going to be looking at me funny. My mom convinced me that no one would look at me weird and that it is all in my head. So I decided to go out with my boyfriend for dinner to say goodbye to his brother and his wife who had to come to visit from India. Getting ready to go out was seriously something I’ll never forget.
I started getting ready like 2 hours before I had to be picked up. I put my bra on and it is a regular one because I haven’t bought one of those mastectomy bras yet. I started looking for things that I could use to basically stuff my bra. In a million years I wouldn’t ever think that I would be stuffing my bra. So I started looking in my sock drawer and I don’t know about any of you girls, but I have the thin girlie socks that clearly wouldn’t fill a bra cup. It would have taken like 4 socks.
So I went to my brother’s drawer and took one of his white socks. So I’m in the bathroom folding the sock and sticking it my bra and I couldn’t get my boobs to match. I had to look for something to put in the other side just to match with the white sock since it was so big. After a while I finally got them to match. I had chunks of white sock hanging out of my bra so I had to cut it to fit inside properly. I then started looking for a top.
It really doesn’t help that most of the tops I wear are low cut; now I have no cleavage so I can’t wear those. I decided on a nice t-shirt. After you go through cancer and all the things that come with cancer as well as a mastectomy, I’m sure you guys will agree that your perspective on life changes completely.
I have really started to appreciate life and enjoy every minute that I feel good enough to do something. I don’t really complain about things anymore like I used to. I have a new found Zen like attitude. So we get to the restaurant and my boyfriend’s best friend shows up with his fiancÃ©, who is the devil in disguise. We went to an Indian restaurant and they had a live band that was playing Indian music. It was really a nice place, the food was good and the music was awesome.
I’m sitting next to the devil’s little sister and the entire night it was complaint after complaint. “The tables aren’t aligned and on top of that this one wobbles.” “We cook this food at home and it is not supposed to be made so spicy.” “The band is playing way too loud for dinner.” “They actually call this place fine dinning with unaligned tables.” “I am seriously going to critique this place online because they shouldn’t call themselves a fine dinning restaurant with all these errors.” “The napkins are not rolled properly and the menu is just not authentic Indian food.”
I seriously wanted to ask her if she was really that much of a brat and that I should give her something to really complain about. How about I have hot flashes from chemo, Indian food is making me even hotter, my wig is itchy and hot, I have my brother’s sock in my bra, and am on so many different pills and she is complaining about the table not being aligned. Give me a break.
I actually went through a lot just to come out tonight and it was my first time going out in so long, and this girl is complaining about everything. I tell you if people would go through what we do, they would learn to lighten up and enjoy life.