The Midweek Muse: "Out of It"

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The Midweek Muse

We haven't done a midweek muse in some weeks so I thought it might be nice to do one today.   Basically I give you a theme and you express your thoughts about that theme in the form of some creative exprression whether it is through writing about a memory, creating a poem, sharing a song lyric or showing us an image.   It is all about self expression.

This week...let's explore the feeling of being "out of it."

This can be   that hazey dazed feeling you get from being over stressed and your body and mind say, "enough" and you retreat from the world.   This feeling can also occur as the result of taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications.   Other times it may happen because you are depressed and feeling numb and detached from your feelings.

For some, this feeling can be a welcome relief from feeling pain.   For others it can feel scary to feel disconnected to your emotions...as though you have a glass wall between you and the world and you can't quite access your feelings.

This feeling has been explored many times in popular song lyrics... sometimes as that welcome relief and sometimes as a symptom of great pain.

Here are the lyrics to The Ramone's "I wanna be sedated" for example.

Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedatedNothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated

And here are lyrics from Nine Inch Nails coming from a different direction.

I believe I can see the futureCause I repeat the same routineI think I used to have a purposeBut then againThat might have been a dreamI think I used to have a voiceNow I never make a soundI just do what I've been toldI really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

[Chorus:]
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

And Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb"

There is no pain you are recedingA distant ship's smoke on the horizonYou are the only coming through in wavesYour lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a feverMy hands felt just like two balloonsNow I've got that feeling once againI can't explain you would not understandThis is not how I am

I have become comfortably numb

As a young girl watching my mother's disollution into schizophrenia I was terrified but also mesmorized by her madness.   In my pain and suffering I wondered if I could go there too and separate myself from this world.

I wrote about it many years ago:

I remember being in my attic as a little girl and....thinking about my mother...and how she could fade from reality. I wondered if I could do it too. I would lie there on the floor with an old baby toy I had. It was a clear ball with boats inside that would gently tinkle as you moved it. The boats would sway to the motion. But you could never get into the ball itself to touch the boats. Something about it mesmorized me. I would roll the ball back and forth...entranced by what I could not touch. I imagined myself small enough to fit inside the ball...forever trapped in the clear plastic sphere...rolling and rocking to some unseen force.

Yet no...as much as my imagination would carry me...I was forever outside that world. I could not lose myself so much as to make the unreal real. I wondered if it was like falling into a well...and never being able to get out.

I was almost angry that...I could never go to where my mother was...when she was lost inside herself. I was forced to inhabit the world of reality and and pain.

Now looking back I feel thankful.   As difficult as reality can be, this is where I need to be, painful or not.   Sometimes distant, I always head back to shore.

How about you?Have you ever felt "out of it" due to stress, depression, or medications?Was it a pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feeling?Tell us your story, we want to hear it.