Unable To Get Motivated To Even Help Myself Out Of This Depression

Question

Asked by V

Unable To Get Motivated To Even Help Myself Out Of This Depression

I have suffered depression my whole life. I go sometimes a week or two feeling somewhat okay then I will have one to two weeks out of every month that I just simply crash. I struggle to not drink knowing that just adds to the problem. My insurance won't cover anything mental health related. I stay at home, yet just doing dishes, doing laundry, looking at mail, playing with my almost 3 yr old or anything simple seems impossible. I go to the doctor and get your depressed here is a pill. Last month I was given a month sample of Pristig I was just feeling a little better even though I couldn't sleep....ha ha but then found my insurance would not cover so 4 days later after cold turkey quitting I took a bottle of xanax...I'm normally not even suicidal...I feel very hopeless, and such a disappointment to my family...I don't want to go anywhere do anything or talk to anyone. I feel guilty all the time and feel there are no answers for me. How do you get help when your insurance isn't there for you and your doctor seems to just give a pill take a copay and send you home. Every doctor I go to it is the same thing. I WANT TO BE A NORMAL USEFUL HUMAN BEING TO THE WORLD, TO MY FAMILY, TO MYSELF. I want it to not be so hard to bath, fix my hair, put on makeup, or check the dang mail. I feel Pathetic....Im done rambling thanks for reading.

Answer

Hi, Virginia -

I'm so sorry you're in such a bad way so much of the time. It's good you've written here because any way you can try to connect with people is important. It's taken me forever to push depression into the background, but one of the things that made a big difference over the past two years has been the online community I found when I started blogging. Telling others about what you're going through always gets a generous response.

Another thing that's made a big difference has been separating out the different symptoms and trying to work on one at a time. That made depression less overwhelming because I could see that I was more than the depression - it comes and it goes and when it's with me it wants to take me over completely. Its voice, rather than my own, is telling me constantly how dumb, inadequate and hopeless I am. This thing inside me is literally trying to kill me or persuade me to kill myself. I feel ashamed of who I am - and the problem for so long was that I believed that completely. I didn't realize that was another symptom of depression.

Just drawing a line between the person I knew I was and this invader really helped. Every day I talk back to that voice and tell it to shut up. I've heard all that before, the same garbage over and over again. The belief that I was no good to anyone and should get of this life altogether was the most important thing I had to change - and by some miracle I was finally able to do that.

There are a lot of specific things to work on, and I'll be doing some blog posts to describe what I found most effective.

Do check out Merely Me's post on how to get mental health care when you have no insurance. I don't have the link handy, but a search through her blog posts will get you it pretty fast. Medication and therapy are important but there's no magic in them, and no quick fix.

Call on me any time - as well as the others here.

My very best to you --

John

Answered by John Folk-Williams