What's Wrong With Me? Depression/stress/anxiety? I'm Desperate! Please Help!

Question

Asked by nikorii

What's Wrong With Me? Depression/stress/anxiety? I'm Desperate! Please Help!

So sorry for the length! I just want to be as detailed as possible so the answers are accurate.. Please try to help me? It all started with a health scare. I thought I was in some serious condition when in fact it was very common and I freaked out about it a lot when I figured that I had it but when it went away after a few days.. is when I started to notice that things weren't the same with me and my surroundings and the people around me. I don't feel like myself. I can't seem to connect myself with my surroundings or people.. especially my loved ones.. It's frustrating because I'm emotionally disconnected with important events in my life like my graduation and senior ball when one is supposed to be happy. I was looking forward to those events before this weird thing hit me wherein I had the hardest time feeling any emotion.. All I felt was empty. I couldn't feel happiness or fulfillment from people or events.. I can't feel love or excitement which scares me A LOT. Because I'm usually an emotionally aware person..But now I don't feel anything for these events which make me so frustrated. I should be feeling something for these people and things but I'm just so out of it! My therapist told me to just go with the flow and let my worries go because it won't do any good worrying about it more. If I keep telling myself I don't feel anything, I really wont. I believe that slowly, I'm improving in that part of my problem because recently.. I've been feeling more of bits and pieces of emotions here and there.. but sometimes, it's completely gone and sometimes, it's there.. so it's very inconsistent. I KNOW my feelings are under here somewhere because this feeling isn't the normal feeling for me. It hurts me because it's making me think that I don't care about the things I truly care about.. Like my boyfriend, I KNOW I love him and I know that before all of this HE made me truly happy but now that this happened, it's like I still know that I love him and care about him and I want to be with him but the emptiness is making me think the opposite... It's confusing me and I feel like there's a knot in my head because all my thoughts are blurry. Even my dreams and ambitions don't seem to matter anymore because I feel empty about them too... My direction in life is a blah ! Right now.. I also feel nervous nowadays for no reason like my chest tightens and I just feel so helpless. When I wake up in the morning, I don't know what I want to do for the day because I don't feel like doing anything cause even if I do the things I want.. IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE ANYTHING :(( What is this? Am I just tired of everything around me? How can I want something but not feel anything about it? Are these numb feelings going to go away? Can i be myself anytime soon? It's been two months and some days already and i'm really concerned.. Do I still love the things and people I love ? I don't want anything else but those things and people... But I can't seem to feel anything for them! It's so frustrating and I just need some answers.. what do you think is happening to me?! This disconnection and numbness/emptiness is making me think that I don't love the things and people I love and it's making me think that I want to be away from all of the things that make me happy but that's not what I want! How do I reconnect with myself again? Please help me! I'm desperate!

Answer

Hi, there. I understand your worry when you don't feel like yourself. Are you on any antidepressants? I ask because I went through a period years ago just like this, to the point where I felt like I couldn't even feel my feet on the floor; it was like I was wrapped up in a big wad of cotton. I had just started an antidepressant and thought it was from that, but the doctor said that it was extreme numbness from the depression and eventually, before long, the antidepressant kicked in and I was back to normal. It was a very weird feeling, for sure. I don't know that you can "make" yourself feel anything if your depression is to that point - it will take either time or medication. I'm glad to hear you have a therapist, though, but she may not understand just how weird this feels. If you don't already have one, you should probably find a psychiatrist who can evaluate you for the possible need for medication.

Does any of this make sense to you? You don't need to panic, I don't think you'll stay this way forever, but I understand how it probably feels a little surreal. Hang in there and I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.