When Your Child Refuses to Go to Bed: 10 Tips for a Peaceful Bedtime Routine

Patient Expert

There are many studies that show the difficulties children with ADHD - and their parents- face at bedtime. Typically, the child's ADHD medication has worn off, causing his symptoms to reappear, often with a vengeance. As he becomes more hyperactive and impulsive, his body needs just the opposite: rest

What is a parent to do? ** 10 Tips for Getting Your Child to Bed** 1. ** Insist that all electronics** and other stimulating toys and activities stop one hour before bedtime.

2.   Have a schedule and stick to it with rare exceptions. Post the schedule (in more

than one place). For younger children, use diagrams or pictures from magazines.

Clearly state each step of the bedtime routine:

  • What time the child must stop playing
  • Any chores needed to be done (i.e. putting toys away)
  • Snack time, if needed
  • Wash up, brush teeth, shower
  • Change into pajamas
  • Lights out

3.   Warm milk, warm bathes- they really do work.

4. Even older children love one on one time with parents, whether it's reading a book

together, or sharing the day's activities. Even many teenagers find this time together

calming and special.

5.   Reward your child for every positive move in the right direction. For younger

children,  keep a jar and add coins to it every time he follows the bedtime schedule.

6.   Remember that children with ADHD get bored with routines quickly and though you

want to try and make them the same each night, you'll need to be creative in making

that  happen. Once, I was so desperate to get my child to bed, I turned it into a

Scavenger Hunt. I wrote each bedtime step on an index card and hid them. Each

contained a clue where to find the next card, plus instructions on what needed to be

done to get ready for bed. Another parent wrote all the bedtime routines on her

child's bathroom mirror using whiteboard markers. Think of other creative, novel ways

to keep your child on track.

7.    Get help! There was a time when things were so difficult in my home, that I hired a

sitter a few nights a week to help me. It truly saved my sanity. Insist that your

spouse/partner also help. Consider trading off bedtime and morning responsibilities

with your partner so neither of you becomes burned out.

8.   Sometimes the child seeks out stimulation by engaging parents in bedtime wars.

Change YOUR habits- try different tactics that remove you from the scene as much

as possible. You might be surprised that your child actually gets sleepy when the

conflict with you disappears.

9.   Try sensory products. When my daughter was very young, I purchased a special tent

that sat on top of her bed. She loved to curl up with her stuffed animals. The

security of the tent encompassing her had a calming effect. You can also purchase a

weighted blanket- these, too often have a calming effect on children with ADHD.

Or...pile a lot of regular blankets on her.

10. De-clutter your child's room so that he isn't stimulated visually by all the "stuff" in

there or tempted to start playing with toys in the middle of the night.

Many children with ADHD simply cannot unwind at the end of the day. When their daytime meds wear off, their behaviors often become unmanageable and sleep impossible. Discuss with your child's doctor whether a bedtime medication might be needed to help ease him into sleep.

Remember: you can't force your child to sleep and you should never suggest that. But you can insist he stay IN bed and rest. Then let nature take its course.